Meditation, whether it's noticing the breath or sitting with a koan, is like shoveling sand. No matter how hard we try, sand will spill off the shovel. Maybe only a few grains fall. Another time it's half the load lost. The important point is we keep on shoveling no matter how much sand we spill. It's only spilled sand. And besides, shoveling itself is meditation, koan practice is shoveling sand, simply pay attention...and allow the spilling to begin!
I plan to make an amends to one of the people who attended 12 & Zen last Friday. We were sitting with a koan and Step Eight. During the discussion time this one man remarked how the koan brought up experiences around Step Nine.
I probably was a little hasty when I mentioned that "...for tonight's discussion we were placing our focus on Step Eight."
Poor choice on my part. Unfortunately I didn't think of this at the time. The evening went well, most everyone joined in and seemed to enjoy the evening.
On the way home I realized that I was trying to control the topic instead of allowing the koan to lead our way. I wasn't listening to my own words. Of course this koan applies to Step Nine, and to
everything else in life.
I was trying not to spill any sand; but I did anyway. Next month I'll be doing more shoveling.
Bill K.