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| "Barlow Cutoff", Oregon, W.H. Jackson circa 1865 | |
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Koan: Every day is a
journey, and the journey itself is home.
Basho
We are sitting with this koan today, to see if any of the 12 Steps take hold. As this evening played out, we saw how the word home is deeply
evocative.
Part 1: I began by stating many of ways
home is used:
It’s a residence, domicile, or house
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Habitat (home range of antelope)
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Headquarters (Home of the SF Giants)
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Home safe! As in baseball
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I have a home group in AA
It’s a special location:
- ·
Where you live, eat and sleep.
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Where you are relaxed and comfortable.
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Where you’re in harmony with the surroundings.
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Where you can be with yourself, and have
privacy.
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Where you’ll find loved ones.
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Where friends come for a visit.
Every day is home, and home itself is a journey.
- ·
Where we tell someone that I’m going home.
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Where we tell someone that I am home.
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Where we tell ourselves that I can hardly wait
to be home.
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Hearing the truth really struck home.
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Out of jeopardy, I’m home free.
Last week I was the temporary secretary at a meeting. The
young speaker made it clear that “No matter what my problem is, I have a Step
handy that will solve my problem. I can take the Steps everywhere and
apply them when needed.” She went on to explain that when she finds
herself powerless over people, places, or things, there is Step 1; when she recognizes
her selfishness there is Step 3; when she’s been rude to someone there is Step
10; when she finds herself ill at ease, she can reach out and help a newcomer
(Step 12).
In Step 12, “We practice these principles in all our
affairs.” Not just on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays – “…in all our affairs”
implies we’re doing this every day, all the time.
This is what this koan was saying to me. I’m always on some
kind of journey – physically, mentally, or spiritually.
From the
PRAISE
SONG FOR MEDITATION sutra by Hakuin Ekaku, is the line, going and coming, we are never astray.
Going and coming
are what makes a journey. “We are never ever astray.” Home is always near at hand. Returning to
this moment is returning to my essential home base and my practice of the 12
Steps.
F.H. began by
saying this koan is nice the way it evokes the sweet satisfaction he has with his practicing all the 12 Steps, beginning with his morning meditation. “Each
moment, each breath, each day – home is program, home is the journey, practicing
to the best of my ability, practicing these principles in all my affairs.”
John agreed, “Step
12 is practicing all the Steps, daily.
Home equals my spiritual awakening.
It’s this journey that gets me to a spiritual awakening again and
again. I’m not a morning person. When I wake up each day, it’s like I have to
reprogram my thoughts in order to begin today’s journey. It’s in my morning prayers
where I become rejuvenated for the day.
James said today’s
journey is made up of all my experiences; where the whole world is Step 11 in
prayer and meditation with my Higher Power.
Wherever I am, just be, I’m home.
Part 2: Our Other
Home
Then F.H.
spoke. “I must say the ways "home" has
been described tonight, a home as a special location was not my experience
growing up. Relaxed, harmony, privacy, comfort, loved ones – none of these
could be remotely found in my home – my childhood was horrendous and
traumatizing.
Others responded
with equal pain. Bob said, “I didn’t have a home.” It was a war zone full of
anguish and pain. I was a little kid
caught in the middle, trying to survive in chaos, while all the time everyone’s
lesson by words and actions declared, “You don’t matter!”
After hearing what
others were saying, another person revealed that he had been sexually
abused as a child, by both parents. “I’ve never told anyone about this except
my sponsor.
Wow. I never would
have predicted the trajectory of this evening’s discussion; bringing into the
room examples of pain today and finding relief from the past; and pain from the
past and finding relief today. The Big Book tells us, “We will not regret the
past nor wish to shut the door on it.” P.83
When sitting with
koans in the traditional way, one of my teachers would tell us that any part of
the koan will work, even just one word.
One way or another, we were all at home with tonight’s koan, showing us,
“No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience
can benefit others.” (Page 84)
Perhaps your journey took you to other Steps?
Bill K.
