December, Step 12, and Jumping off a 100 foot pole...

Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and practice these principles in all our affairs.  

 

Koan:

 

Deep autumn—

my neighbor,

how does he live, I wonder?

 

Matsuo Bashō, d. November 28, 1694, Osaka, Japan

 

 

Completing Step 12 is no small matter: 

 

·      Having had

Now in our possession

·      a spiritual awakening

Unexpected change for the better

·      as the result of these steps,

The work we put in

·      we tried

Positive inertia

·      to carry this message

The task at hand

·      to alcoholics

You and I

·      and to practice

To do or perform often

·      these principles 

A code of conduct

·      in all our affairs.

Interaction with people, places, and things

 

I suppose we could call Step Twelve our A.A. mission statement, something that guides our way of living.

 

On page 63 of the Big Book, it reads, “…we become less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more we become interested in seeing what we could contribute to life.” 

 

We become less and less and more and more. It doesn’t say we stop doing X and begin doing Y. We’re alcoholics. It’s a lifelong process that we practice, knowing that we will never do this perfectly. We become less and less selfish and more and more selfless. 

 

Step 12 is just the beginning for us.  The longer we stay sober, the ways we contribute to life expand to include contributing the greater good to people, places, and things. And this brings us joy, comfort, and peace.

 

It’s deep autumn.  Crops have been harvested, foodstuff preserved, firewood chopped, and roofs repaired.  People are spending more time at home - - not getting out as much because of rains and colder weather or even snowstorms now.

 

My neighbor. “We haven’t seen each other for a while,” Mr. Bashō is thinking about his neighbor. Wondering out loud, “How does he live?”

 

This short little ten-word poem exemplifies our Twelve Step practice. Mr. Bashō cares about his neighbor. Caring for the alcoholic who still suffers is what fuels A.A.

 

And now about my jumping off place…

 

…as I said in my early December entry, this will be my last 12 & Zen posting.

 

I’m feeling some of the aging effects, having just turned 80. New territory for me that I’m thoroughly ready to embrace. I’m slowing down, words don’t always come to me as quickly, and take yesterday as an example, I spent several minutes looking in the refrigerator for the package of corn tortillas (that I had already taken out and placed on the counter). Here’s to a new chapter. I’m at that place where my yesterdays far outnumber my tomorrows, which makes “one day at a time” more essential than ever. And I’ve never been happier.

 

Gratitude is

the secret sauce

that goes with

anything

Fading, aging, falling apart; but it's still a fence.

So, My Friends, thank you for following along for all these years. Knowing you are out there participating has made this all worthwhile. I still go to four meetings a week, in this month came my 37^th year of sobriety, I’ll be doing a 7-day Zen retreat next month - - my Zen/A.A. practice sustains me as I jump off the 100-foot pole into my 81^st year.

 

Please remember, as long as this blog remains online, there’s more than a decade of koans and commentaries to work with, play with, and meditate with… and for new people, look around and give this a try…then see how this affects your 12 Step practice. One cannot wear out or use up koans or the Twelve Steps.

 

A deep bow in gratitude to you all.

 

Bill K.

December 12&Zen - - TWO Announcements this month...

 Dear 12 & Zen Followers,

#1] Here is the Step and Koan we’ll be working with.

 

Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and practice these principles in all our affairs.  

 

Koan:

 

Deep autumn—
my neighbor,
how does he live, I wonder?

 

Matsuo Bashō, d. November 28, 1694, Osaka, Japan

- - - - -

 

#2] This month’s koan (and later commentary) will be my final posting. 

 

I turn 80 later this month. There are no medical issues that I know of, hiked 7.1 miles in the park today; but still, I’m slowing down on several fronts. More later in a few weeks in the commentary.

Bill K.

Step 10, the Reminder Step...

 

Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.  

 

Koan:  The storehouse of treasures opens of itself. You may take them and use them anyway you wish. –Fukanzazengi* – Dōgen  (PZI Misc. Koans)

 

I had a sponsee once; I was telling him that the overriding theme of AA was all about service to others; and he asked, “What’s the payoff for me?”

“That’s telling,” I thought, “This may be a challenging situation here.” But again, this was early on, he was actually demonstrating his self-centeredness in spades, this is how alcoholics act, and we continued on.

 

Step 11 is, after all, simply reminding me to do what I’ve already been doing working Steps 1-10.  These Steps are in my mind already, and have been a part of my daily life for some time now. Bill W. knew from his personal experiences that alcoholics need reminding all the time.

 

Step 1 reminds me that I’m an alcoholic and will always be one for the remainder of my life.  It’s also a reminder of how unmanageable my life was back in the drinking days. This reminder often opens of itself, a storehouse of treasures from my past. What, now, should I do with these reminders?

 

I’m reminded of Step 2, how my willingness to be open to the notion that a higher power is here that will restore some sanity into my life. What a gift this is! It leads me to Step 3 and the power and relief I’ve experienced over the years, just by turning my thoughts and actions over to a God of my understanding. This is perhaps the greatest treasure in my storehouse.

 

Steps 4 and 5 are reminders how to look back at my past behavior and actions, sort them out regarding my motives and how I’ve hurt others; then telling my sponsor about all about myself. The payback? Treasures of relief and periods of serenity, understanding that I am but a human being, not a defective human being.

 

Steps 6 and 7 are midway in the Steps, a reminder that God is always with me, I can always talk to my higher power about new matters coming up, about some shortcomings that have returned, and through prayer, ask that these be removed. Bill W. was right. We need frequent reminders.

 

Steps 8 and 9. Making my amends to all those I have hurt. When I clean up my side of the street, I feel cleaner! What a concept (think treasure). Steps 8 and 9 involves the entirety of my life’s actions and thoughts. And in order to not continue to build upon my 9^th Step list, Step 10 provides me with daily tools … to keep my side of the street clean.

 

Back to Step 11 again - - it’s very apparent to me, by working these Steps daily, I have a lot going for me. My life is full and rewarding. The payback?

The Steps have taught me that giving to others is far more rewarding than taking things for myself. I have my own storehouse of treasures that are uniquely tailored to my personality. Truly, my storehouse opens of itself when I stay close to and rely on my higher power one day at a time.

 

Sobriety, a motivator of gratitude

Gratitude, the catalyst that opens the door

To the world’s storehouse of treasures

 

Bill K. 

 

*Fukan zazengi (Japanese: 普勸坐禪儀), also known by its English translation Universal Recommendation for Zazen, is an essay describing and promoting the practice of zazenwritten by the 13th century Japanese Zen monk Eihei Dōgen. The date of its composition is unclear, and the text evolved significantly over the author's lifetime. It is written in Classical Chinese rather than the Classical Japanese Dōgen used to compose his famous Shōbōgenzō.^[1]

 

Step 11, Treasures open to us

 November 2023, 12 & Zen

 

Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.  

 

Koan:  The storehouse of treasures opens of itself. You may take them and use them anyway you wish. –Fukanzazengi* – Dōgen  (PZI Misc. Koans)

 

·      Fukan zazengi (Japanese: 普勸坐禪儀), also known by its English translation Universal Recommendation for Zazen, is an essay describing and promoting the practice of zazen written by the 13th century Japanese Zen monk Eihei Dōgen. The date of its composition is unclear, and the text evolved significantly over the author's lifetime. It is written in Classical Chinese rather than the Classical JapaneseDōgen used to compose his famous Shōbōgenzō.^[1]

Bill K.

Step 10, Swimming in Reality

 Koan:  A student asked Yunmen, "What does it mean to sit and contemplate reality?"

Yunmen answered, "The coin lost in the river is found in the river."

 

 

You and I have packed a lot into our respective rivers of life, haven’t we?

We’ve experienced our placid river, roily river, meandering river, gushing river, muddy river, clear river, cold river, polluted rive, and even dry river. We’ve experienced them all because that’s the way life rivers flow.

 

What do we lose?  Our temper, connection to the steps, the sense of right and wrong, patience, fairness, the ability to put others first. What do we find? Peace of mind, the power of the steps, fairness, kindness, empathy, God, self-worth and happiness.  

 

What do we learn from our river?  We learn how to pay attention to her moods and activities, to her extremes and preferences, and to her strengths and vulnerabilities. In rough waters we learn how to hold on tightly or call for help; in tranquil waters we learn how to relax and let go; in muddy waters we learn to stop stirring things up; in polluted waters we learn how to locate the sources and clean up the causes.

 

In search of balance, we learn that looking outside our river doesn’t work - - no sitting on the shore. Comparing our river to others’ rivers isn’t helpful either. Balance comes when we go with our river’s flow.

 

Upstream? Lucky for us, we’ve already done this when we were examining our past in Steps 4 and 5. We swam well upstream then, beginning when we sensed memories in the water, sometimes vague, other times intense. We’ve got to find their hiding places among the rocks and crannies. Depending upon the current, at times it was difficult, but necessary; we must swim upstream and dislodge these memories, retrieve them. Once found, our struggle against the current ceases. We know what to do with these memories. The current is our guide now, taking us to where we need to be. This same process takes place with Step 10; but usually to a lesser degree. We only have to swim upstream for a couple of days or so when we’ve been balking - - or a few minutes when we’re paying attention to our actions.

In contemplating our reality, we have the good the bad, the beautiful the ugly. Total immersion is the way. That’s where we find things and where we lose things. We need the wetness of our river. If we’re not wet, we’re not living.

 

We had substantial rains last year, but in the years prior, severe drought toasted the landscape. After talking with others when light rains appeared, instead of saying “good-bye”, I would say, “Stay wet my friend, stay wet.”

 

Bill K.

12 & Zen October Koan and Step 10

Step 10:  Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Koan:  A student asked Yunmen, "What does it mean to sit and contemplate reality?"

Yunmen answered, "The coin lost in the river is found in the river.”

Bill K. 

The Hard and Easy of Steps 8 and 9

 

Step 8:  Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

 

Step 9:  Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. 

 

Koan: One day, while the Layman was meditating in his sitting hut, he suddenly cried out, “It’s hard, hard, hard! And I’ve put ten coats of linseed oil on this platform, too!”

 

His wife said, “Its easy, easy, easy! Just turn your eyes to the floor, lower your feet to it, and be on your way!”

 

Ling-chao said, “Its neither hard nor easy! The mind of the Patriarchs is in every blade of grass!” (1)  Case #51 - Three Views of Hard and Easy 

 

 

(1) The Laymans daughter, Ling-chao, is referring to a line from the Third Patriarch s work the “Treatise on Believing in Mind" (Chin.: Hsin-hsin ming; Jpn.: Shinjin~mei) that says, “Though the Great Way is expansive, treading upon it is neither hard nor easy." Very little has been passed down about the life details of the Third Patriarch, Chien-chih Seng-ts'an (Kanchi Sosan,  

(? - 606), who stood halfway between Bodhidharma and Hui-neng. 

 

 

It's hard, it’s hard’ it’s hard to make amends, especially to those who have harmed me (fingers pointing at them) because after all, they owe me an amends. What about me?

 

What about you? I’m glad you asked, “Who is in the process of working their steps?”

 

“I am.”

 

“Who seems to still be carrying a grudge toward another?”

 

“I guess I am.”

“Who wishes to be free from the bondage of self?”

 

“I do.”

 

“If this other person made amends to you, but you didn’t reciprocate making your amends, who do you think would be more at ease?”

 

“He probably would.”

 

See…it’s easy, easy, easy when we finish making an amends. Just turn your thoughts inward, address your past actions and behavior and how your goal, now, is to clean up your side of the street.

 

Easy, easy, when I go at Step 9 with “don’t know” mind and the backup of my higher power. I don’t know how each event will unfold; but I do know I will be better off for what I’ve done.

 

Not knowing is a space, empty of my manufactured thoughts, stories, and delusions; ready to embody what comes.

 

Life is made up of varying degrees of (real or imagined) friction. When things get rough for us (think hard), we invite our HP in to help smooth things out. More often than not, it is I who gets smoothed out, not the other people, places, or things.

 

We make Steps 8 and 9 out to be hard, until we do them, then we learn they are neither hard nor easy.

 

 

Bill K.