Step 11: The Source of Inspiration

 

Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.


A few weeks ago a speaker at our “Moment of Silence” 12 Step Meeting said something that really stirred me, something that has meandered in and out of my thoughts ever since.  He spoke of the word inspire, that its early meaning comes from the Latin word spiro, to breathe.  We know how important the breath is in our meditation practice – when distractions arise, we come back to the breath.  And to breathe was also referring to blow into or upon, as in the Devine is blowing into us – “to influence, move, or guide us.”

On page 86 of the Big Book, “…we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought,” this is our prayer.  This is how we verbalize our request; but it's only half the equation.  When I return to my breath, this is the other half, to open the channel between my Higher Power and me.  It’s a two-way channel now.  Through this channel God can breathe inspiration into me.  To have a conscious contact with God begins with my breathing … patient breathing.

Here is the November Koan I offer to go along with Step Eleven.  It comes from Issa, an 18th Century Japanese poet:

This dewdrop world 
It is but a dewdrop world
And yet – and yet

May inspiration come your way today.

Bill

Step 10: Lost and Found

Step 10:  Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Koan:  A student asked Yunmen, "What does it mean to sit and contemplate reality?"

Yunmen answered, "The coin lost in the river is found in the river."



We held our October 12 & Zen yesterday evening, sitting with this koan.  Fifteen people in all, this was one of those times when almost everyone had something to say -- 14 of the 15 people seemed to have 14 different interpretations of the koan.  But still on topic.

The coin -- it is what we are seeking, it's our emotions, who we are....?

Lost -- in our thoughts, not in contact with our Higher Power, lost in self ....?

Found -- our path again, what is happening right here and now, what to do next....?

And the river -- the river of life, the river as God ....?

Step 10:  We go from being lost in self to finding what it is.

This koan brought up a 10th Step episode of mine.  I was called on something and did I lose it... from pleasant to angry in milliseconds. Boy did I give this fellow a piece of my mind.  But as I walked away, I new I was in the wrong.  That was the old Bill talking.  I knew what I had to do to bring some peace of mind back into my life.  I  spun around (I think he first thought I was returning to fight or something) and the first words out of my mouth were, "Please forgive me..."  I made my amends, we shook hands, and I instantly felt better.  I found serenity again.  Funny how one can still feel a little discomfort for what was said or done; but after making amends can have some serenity, too, knowing that you won't be carrying around a grudge with you for the rest of the day.

As you can see, on many levels and directions, the people took well to this koan.  Or was it the koan that took well to us? One person came up to me afterwards and exclaimed how "this" 12 & Zen evening was the best she had ever experienced.

The evening did seem to have a momentum to it.  What struck me most was that five or six people were new.  They had little if any experience with koans.  Why should I be surprised ...these koans work in our lives when we let them in.

Please sit with this Step and koan for a while.  See what comes up for you.  How did the koan touch you?  And then if you'd like, take a look at what my teacher, John Tarrant, had to say about Lost and Found:

http://tinyurl.com/plmbw45

Bill K.

Steps 8 and 9: "Have You Eaten?" asked Joshu

...continuing from the last posting on Steps 8 and 9 ...

Koan: A monk made a request of Joshu:  "I have just entered the monastery.  Please teach me."
Joshu asked, "Have you eaten?"
"Then," said Joshu, "wash your bowls."  At that moment, the monk had an insight.

"I have just entered..." suggests movement or travel.  The monk has come from somewhere and will eventually leave to go elsewhere.  The road to recovery is like this, a journey.  We are travelers, we are pilgrims, and now we are entering the realm of making amends.

"Please teach me," the monk asks.  The monk seems to have a yearning for learning.  Forgiveness and how to become free are these Steps' lessons.

Joshu asked, "Have you eaten?"  Already the teaching begins.  "Are you hungry" might be what he is really asking.  Those who are hungry for recovery are the ones who make it here.  Steps 8 and 9 are nourishment for the heart.  The people we make amends to respond differently -- sweet or bitter we are nourished none-the-less.

The monk replied, "Yes, I have eaten."  Not only has the monk answered Joshu's uncomplicated question, now he's set himself up for the lesson here, just what he initially asked for.  Yes I have eaten, yes I am hungry, yes I am ready to make my amends.

"Then," said Joshu, "wash your bowls."  Last Friday one person said, "I am the bowl, a vessel of life, my temple, body, mind and consciousness."  Eating from an unclean bowl will cause problems.  I need to clean up after myself, clean my bowl so it's suitable for the next meal.  Another person said, It's the simple process of knowing what to do next."

"At that moment, the monk had an insight."  This happens before we even finish Step 9 -- "...we will be amazed before we are half way through."  Our hearts open, we do have an insight,  "Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change."   This is what we learn, this is what happens to us from doing these Steps.

Bill

8th and 9th Step Koan:  

A woman says to her sponsor, "Please teach me about Steps 8 and 9." Her sponsor asks, "Are you hungry for sobriety?" "Yes I am," said the newcomer.Then go find the first person on your 8th Step list.

Steps 8 and 9: "Have you eaten?"

In a few days, our group will be sitting with Steps 8 and 9,  and this koan.

Step 8:  Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Step 9:  Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Koan:  (Case #7, Gateless Barrier)

A monk made a request of Joshu:  “I have just entered the monastery.  Please teach me.”
Joshu asked, “Have you eaten?”
The monk replied, “Yes, I have eaten.”
“Then,” said Joshu, “wash your bowls.”  At that moment, the monk had an insight.

Here are a few questions that may stir things up for you:

1)  "I have just entered..."  Where are we entering with Steps 8 and 9?
2)  What am I being taught when using these Steps?  What do others teach me?
3)  "I have eaten..."  How do these Steps nourish me?
4)  Then, what do we do next?

Bill

Everything is Best, Part II

Early in August, I was asked to sit "up front" this Monday and give the evening talk.  As I began preparing for this, I had a different koan in mind; then it came to me that the koan we used on "12 & Zen" Friday might be the best one to use.  What follows here is pretty much what I plan to say on Monday.

When Banzan was walking through a market he overheard a conversation between a butcher and his customer.
“Give me the best piece of meat you have,” said the customer.

“Everything in my shop is the best,” replied the butcher.  You cannot find here any piece of meat that is not the best.”

At these words Banzan became enlightened.

(He came to a realization)

Perhaps you’ve heard of the First Noble Truth = Suffering.  Life is suffering. To be human is to suffer.  Why?  The Second Noble Truth tells us why -- Suffering is caused by craving, our attachments…

“Give me the best piece of meat you have,” he asks.  Isn’t this a perfect setup for suffering?

         I’m hungry          …craving
         I want food          …craving
         I want the best    …craving “squared”

The BEST … It's a loaded word for us.  Even Banzan.  I can picture him whispering under his breath, “Oh do I love pork chops…they are the best cut.” And he might go on thinking how he hates liver.

My friend Jim and I talk camera stuff a lot.  We usually carry our small cameras everywhere.  A few years ago just before  we began doing this, Jim had a very capable compact Casio camera.  But I bought a Canon SD700.

Later on, Jim liked what he saw in my little Canon camera and bought the latest version, the SD 800.  No longer did he see the Casio as the best.

But when it comes to our large SLR cameras, Jim and I agree that Nikon is the best.  Since 2008, we’ve been very pleased with the Nikon D300.  That is, until Jim recently bought a Nikon D7100.  Now my D300 doesn’t seem to be the best anymore.

This is what we do when BEST enters the mind; probably beginning with the caveman looking for the best club or the cavewoman looking for the best grinding stone.

“Everything in my shop is the best,” replied the butcher.  EVERYTHING? How could everything in his shop be the best?  A sales gimmick, right?  He wants to sell all his meat that day.  He wouldn’t say this flank steak is best but those short ribs aren’t so good.

From the butcher's perspective, everything could be the best.  What if, to every customer, the butcher picked out the best piece of meat available….

·          I’d like a T-bone   – he’d pick the best T-bone.
·         The best chicken thigh – he’d pick the best chicken thigh.

…until finally there is only one piece of meat left; but it, too would be the best piece available.  Using his butcher skills, he could choose each next best piece of meat.  Maybe he’s onto something here?

But if I’m the customer, how do I know for sure I’m getting the best?  There’s that little nagging doubt.  Can we ever really know what is best?  Can anything actually be the best?

When I was 19 years old, having less than stellar grades at Colorado State, they requested that I not return the following year.  With the Viet Nam War going on, I joined the Naval Air Reserves instead of the possibility of being drafted.  It meant only 6 months of active duty, one weekend each month for 5 years, and two weeks each summer.   This was the best thing for me, yes?

In January of 1968 the North Koreans captured the USS Pueblo.  This became known as the Pueblo Incident.  I was just 25 at the time, now going to Humboldt State College. I was raising my grade point average, obviously college was the BEST thing for me, and I had just met this girl named Beth…and … My reserve unit was recalled to active duty!  Bummer.  Not good.

As it turned out, being recalled turn out to be one of the best things.  (1) Beth and I married in the summer of 1968; (2) my active duty turned out to be only one year, (3) all at NAS Alameda; and (4) I received the GI Bill which helped pay for the remainder of college.


Worst can turn out to be the best.

Best can turn out to be the worst.

"You cannot find here any piece of meat that is not the best.”

First this koan draws us (and Banyan) into the world of duality with the word BEST.

Everything is best!  How could that be?  Now great doubt enters.

"You cannot find here..."  HERE …  That’s it!  "At these words Banzan became enlightened."  He got it! He woke up.  He experienced “Best” without words.

We have everything we need right here.  Just this!  Or in this case, everything that the butcher offered.

Craving, reaching, grasping, pulling things into my life, holding on, knowing the answer – does not bring me happiness.

Nor a closed or narrow mind, excluding things from view  -- There's an old Chinese saying: “Don’t slander the sky by looking at it through a tube.”  This will not bring happiness and contentment.

What we call BEST or WORST, could instead become:

·      Good enough.

·      It could be worse.

·      A glass half full.

Give me the best, right here, but everything is the best -- This is what Banyan experienced.

What was the best thing that came to you here?

Bill

Everything Is Best, Part I

Scrub Jay Babies

These Scrub Jay babies.  I discovered them in a maple tree by our front porch.  The nest seemed to be placed in a perfect location -- the best location -- away from predators still hidden amongst the leaves.  Each day I would
take a peek at them to see how fast they were growing.

This month's koan:

When Banzan was walking through a market he overheard a conversation between a butcher and his customer. 


"Give me the best piece of meat you have," said the customer.

"Everything in my shop is the best," replied the butcher. "You cannot find here any piece of meat that is not the best."

At these words Banzan became enlightened.


We just met last Friday for 12 & Zen and here is the koan we used.  This was our "Pot Luck" evening where all of the Steps were available.  I asked everyone to see what koan appears when sitting with this koan.

Step 7 came to several people.  When we truly ask our Higher Power to remove our shortcomings, aren't we doing this to become the best person we can be? 

Another person said everyone is the best.  It reminded them of the koan about having no rank ... being a person among persons, which morphed into Step 9 when we make our amends.  We're just humans trying to make things better for all.

If he says it's best, then it is the best.  And who else offers us nothing but the best?  Our Higher Power.  This was Step 3 for her, trusted her God, the butcher.

One Flattened Toad

Three words in this koan stood out for me:

Best
Everything
Here

Best has such a charge to it.  So does worst.  We seem to place ourselves in either of these camps, depending upon circumstances. And just when we are sure of ourselves, we find where one of the worst things in our lives turned out to be one of the best things -- or one of the best things (we thought) turns out to be one of the worst.




Then one morning I peeked into the bird nest only to find that ALL the babies were gone!  Nothing
left.  No feathers because they had not yet developed them.  Just guessing that it was a neighbor's
cat.  Or it could have been a crow or raven.  I guess that wasn't the best place to build a nest.  Then
again, whatever ate them had the best of meals.

On one of my daily walks, I came across the dead toad in the road.  I'm glad we have toads in the neighborhood.  I've been known to "rescue" them and take them back to my garden.  Not the best
outcome for this one.  But I was attracted to the colors of the guts and gore; somehow they seemed vibrant and alive.   The best of colors against the road's asphalt.

A few days later I came across another toad, this one of the toad-bank variety.  Everything about this toad made it the best one of the day.

What IS the best Step?  This reminded me of what I once heard at a meeting where a person said, "If we could do Step 3 perfectly, we wouldn't need any of the other Steps."  But we can't do anything perfectly, so every Step is the best. 

I'm not making light of this.  You cannot find here any Step that is not the best. Every Step is best when we are using it in our lives.  What is best for us then is what is right happening here.

To be continued...

Bill

Step 7: Confusion, Stress, Accomplishment, and Relief

It's been a busy few weeks; but well worth the effort.  Stressful effort at that.

Steps for Anyone:

The Monday night "teacher" was yours truly.  Following up on my last posting on June 9th, we had a group of about twenty people attending where Step One was offered in three different versions.  This was less about me talking and more about an opportunity to show the group how we do "12 & Zen" once a month.  And that we did.  We all sat with one's Step One of the day, meditated with the tigers and the strawberry koan, and then had our discussion.  I think the discussion went OK but not to the depth or intimacy that happens with 12 Step people.  A good evening none-the-less.

Now in Paperback:

Over the last six months, I've been adding to my book, Twelve and Zen -- When the 12 Steps Meet Zen Koans.  It's about 25% larger and it feels more complete now.  Re-submitting the eBook version was exasperating.  I don't follow directions well, especially since some of the technical jargon is foreign to me.  But eventually the eBook version was accepted and available at the Kindle Store.

The good news here is that there is now a paperback version that was published via CreateSpace.
This book is sold at Amazon Books.  Again, a real struggle for me.  The first time I submitted the book it came back "There are 7 errors that need correcting."  Type, type, type, resubmit -- "There are 5 errors that need correcting."  Gasp!  Type, type, type, resubmit -- "There are two errors that need correcting."  You get the idea.  Eventually it was accepted and ready for sale.  The best thing about paperbacks is all the room in the margins for scribbling notes.

A link to both:  http://tinyurl.com/mky4kcy

Yesterday We Humbly Asked:

Our usual "12 & Zen" met yesterday evening, sitting with Step Seven.  Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Koan:  "What is the Way?  A clearly enlightened person falls in a well."

When we are humble, aren't we giving up our control of matters?

What is the Way?  Our group had many Ways, just the way I expected.  Everything from the BIG Way to the way things happened today, the way we make our choices.

We all agreed that we are already enlightened, but we don't seem to be aware of this in our daily lives. So of course we can and do fall into wells all the time.  In the falling we have no control.  Our "wells" take many forms but they are all about the unknown.

Confusion, stress, accomplishment, and relief, otherwise known as living... I do feel relief today, with a good sense of accomplishment and lots of gratitude,  knowing that this Path we are sharing is a good.

Bill K.