Commiting to Step Eleven, Zen Version

Yesterday I spoke to our PZi community at large, the 11th Step continued as my topic,  but this time I used the "Zen" version.  The evening went pretty well, too, and just like at our 12 & Zen gatherings , the discussion after the talk was moving and personal.  If you have considered doing this with your Zen community, I urge you to give it a try. 

The following is a consolidation of my notes; it will give you an idea of the evening's format and content.   

INTRODUCTION:

Welcome to Monday evening at PZi.  Some of you are familiar with what we do every second Friday of the month, called 12 & Zen.  In 12 & Zen we use the Twelve Steps that originated with AA. There are hundreds of recovery groups that use variations of the original 12 Steps.  Since November is the eleventh month, we’ll sit with Step 11.  So this evening we will be sitting with a Zen version by Bernie Glassman.

[A hand written example of Step 11, Zen Version, was hanging on the wall]

I made a commitment to deepen my realization of the Enlightened Way.

This Step is about staying the course...it's about our meditation practice.  First we’ll sit with this Step for about 10 minutes.  Find yourself in this Step.  And then I will introduce the koan for this evening – where we will sit with the koan and Step for the remaining 30 minutes.

MEDITATION PERIOD  [BELL]

Koan:

This dewdrop world

It is but a dewdrop

And yet – and yet 

As we meditated, I would occasionally offer a few questions for stimulation:

• "Where does dewdrop take you?"
• "Dewdrop/commitment ...Commitment/dewdrop."
• "What is your dewdrop this evening?"

[BELL, BREAK, TEA ...
AND TALK]

Issa (18th Century Japanese poet, often Haiku poetry)  1763-1828…was living when our country was in it’s formative stages. He had great losses in his life:

Wives died... his children died.  His first son died one month after birth;  his first daughter died from smallpox about a year old; his second son died by suffocating while bundled on his mother's back. Issa wrote this poem right after his daughter died, at a time of deep grief.  In so few words he offers us such vast possibilities.

Perhaps he was thinking, “My little girl’s world, it is but a little girl, and yet –and yet…but this poem includes much more -- all of us in this room are included.  It’s poetic genius that he chose the word, dewdrops.  Dewdrops.  The conditions must be just right for them to form, the right moisture in the air, the right temperature.  Then they appear.  They shine in the morning light.  Then they drop away or evaporate.

Issa’s little girl, the conditions were right for her to be born.  As a little girl she shone in the adoring light of her parents.  Then she died.

This is what life is …yes?  How life works.

Our thoughts usually have this coin-toss tendency of calling out “heads or tails.” Conditions are ripe, things appear, we pass judgment --we limit our perspective to this or that, good or bad, life or death…"this shouldn’t be happening to me."

Everything has but a short cosmic life -- a beginning, a middle, and an end. And yet collectively [LIFE] it all continues on and on and on.  No.  It’s heads AND tails.  Dewdrop world is heads AND tails, good AND bad, life AND death, Step 11 and this poem.

I MADE A COMMITMENT:

1)  FIRST, There’s the idea to commit to something – STEP 11 here:
I need to meditate more.

2)  OK, I’m going to do it  -- the decision is made:
Tomorrow I’m going to meditate 30 minutes right after breakfast.

3)  The next day I recognize that I’m doing what I told myself I would:
 I did it! I’m meditating! Mission accomplished!

4)  and yet …and yet …things change.
The phone rings, someone comes to my door…I fall asleep…I hear a branch fall on my car…

Last week I donated blood.  A feel good sort of thing, something I’ve been doing for quite a while… Actually two commitments arose, my plans were to donate blood right after visiting the eye doctor, and then it came to me as I drove to the blood bank. I told myself that I would not eat any sweets afterwards.

If you haven’t donated blood before, the way it works, there’s a 15 minute required rest time after donating (to see if anything develops like fainting, dizziness, etc.).  I told myself no sweets this time, only water and a small bag of peanuts.  As I was sipping my water and munching my peanuts, another man there got up from his chair, walked to the counter, and opened up a Tupperware container full of chocolate chip cookies.  I had forgotten they bake cookies there!  And yet – and yet …I knew I was doomed...and went over and retrieved (only) two cookies.

Life turns on a dime.  This was my “AND YET” moment.  I ate my two cookies, rested the 15 minutes and went on with the rest of my day. Even though I had made a commitment not to eat sweets, it became a peanuts AND cookies moment for me. It’s was OK for me …and not a time for self-judging…just notice.  This is meditation...to notice without judging.

What does it mean TO DEEPEN MY REALIZATION?

Isn’t this a form of digging?  To dig deeper, below the surface, to see what treasures I may find.  Little insightful treasures …humongous treasures of insight, I keep digging…I keep meditating.

THE ENLIGHTENED WAY

In our sutras we chant, "Nirvana is right here!"  But alas, it goes unnoticed much of the time …because I haven’t paid enough attention to right now.  Remedy?  Meditation.  Meditation brings about more awareness.  Step 11 is an agreement I make with myself to find space in my daily life for meditation.  Find the space.  Make the space.  Carve out the space.  When we took our vows, John Tarrant Roshi asks that we commit to meditating every day – at least one hour a day of meditation.  This is how a meditation practice develops – meditate every day.  Dig deeper every day, the treasures will come.

Making a commitment doesn’t mean I will keep it.  But what I practice here is to come back to my commitment in Step 11.  Mind wanders? Come back to my breath.  Mind wanders? Come back to my koan. This coming back is also commitment.  The point of having a commitment to Step 11 is what strengthens my practice. My practice, in this dewdrop world, becomes more effective, efficient, portable, accessible.  It brings more happiness and peace into my life.

GASSHO

- - -

This is enough from me.  What came up for you this evening?  Where did Dewdrop take you?  How is your commitment to practice?  And yet – and yet?


Bill K.

WAY…our treasure:

Step 11: The Source of Inspiration

 

Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.


A few weeks ago a speaker at our “Moment of Silence” 12 Step Meeting said something that really stirred me, something that has meandered in and out of my thoughts ever since.  He spoke of the word inspire, that its early meaning comes from the Latin word spiro, to breathe.  We know how important the breath is in our meditation practice – when distractions arise, we come back to the breath.  And to breathe was also referring to blow into or upon, as in the Devine is blowing into us – “to influence, move, or guide us.”

On page 86 of the Big Book, “…we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought,” this is our prayer.  This is how we verbalize our request; but it's only half the equation.  When I return to my breath, this is the other half, to open the channel between my Higher Power and me.  It’s a two-way channel now.  Through this channel God can breathe inspiration into me.  To have a conscious contact with God begins with my breathing … patient breathing.

Here is the November Koan I offer to go along with Step Eleven.  It comes from Issa, an 18th Century Japanese poet:

This dewdrop world 
It is but a dewdrop world
And yet – and yet

May inspiration come your way today.

Bill

Step 10: Lost and Found

Step 10:  Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Koan:  A student asked Yunmen, "What does it mean to sit and contemplate reality?"

Yunmen answered, "The coin lost in the river is found in the river."



We held our October 12 & Zen yesterday evening, sitting with this koan.  Fifteen people in all, this was one of those times when almost everyone had something to say -- 14 of the 15 people seemed to have 14 different interpretations of the koan.  But still on topic.

The coin -- it is what we are seeking, it's our emotions, who we are....?

Lost -- in our thoughts, not in contact with our Higher Power, lost in self ....?

Found -- our path again, what is happening right here and now, what to do next....?

And the river -- the river of life, the river as God ....?

Step 10:  We go from being lost in self to finding what it is.

This koan brought up a 10th Step episode of mine.  I was called on something and did I lose it... from pleasant to angry in milliseconds. Boy did I give this fellow a piece of my mind.  But as I walked away, I new I was in the wrong.  That was the old Bill talking.  I knew what I had to do to bring some peace of mind back into my life.  I  spun around (I think he first thought I was returning to fight or something) and the first words out of my mouth were, "Please forgive me..."  I made my amends, we shook hands, and I instantly felt better.  I found serenity again.  Funny how one can still feel a little discomfort for what was said or done; but after making amends can have some serenity, too, knowing that you won't be carrying around a grudge with you for the rest of the day.

As you can see, on many levels and directions, the people took well to this koan.  Or was it the koan that took well to us? One person came up to me afterwards and exclaimed how "this" 12 & Zen evening was the best she had ever experienced.

The evening did seem to have a momentum to it.  What struck me most was that five or six people were new.  They had little if any experience with koans.  Why should I be surprised ...these koans work in our lives when we let them in.

Please sit with this Step and koan for a while.  See what comes up for you.  How did the koan touch you?  And then if you'd like, take a look at what my teacher, John Tarrant, had to say about Lost and Found:

http://tinyurl.com/plmbw45

Bill K.

Steps 8 and 9: "Have You Eaten?" asked Joshu

...continuing from the last posting on Steps 8 and 9 ...

Koan: A monk made a request of Joshu:  "I have just entered the monastery.  Please teach me."
Joshu asked, "Have you eaten?"
"Then," said Joshu, "wash your bowls."  At that moment, the monk had an insight.

"I have just entered..." suggests movement or travel.  The monk has come from somewhere and will eventually leave to go elsewhere.  The road to recovery is like this, a journey.  We are travelers, we are pilgrims, and now we are entering the realm of making amends.

"Please teach me," the monk asks.  The monk seems to have a yearning for learning.  Forgiveness and how to become free are these Steps' lessons.

Joshu asked, "Have you eaten?"  Already the teaching begins.  "Are you hungry" might be what he is really asking.  Those who are hungry for recovery are the ones who make it here.  Steps 8 and 9 are nourishment for the heart.  The people we make amends to respond differently -- sweet or bitter we are nourished none-the-less.

The monk replied, "Yes, I have eaten."  Not only has the monk answered Joshu's uncomplicated question, now he's set himself up for the lesson here, just what he initially asked for.  Yes I have eaten, yes I am hungry, yes I am ready to make my amends.

"Then," said Joshu, "wash your bowls."  Last Friday one person said, "I am the bowl, a vessel of life, my temple, body, mind and consciousness."  Eating from an unclean bowl will cause problems.  I need to clean up after myself, clean my bowl so it's suitable for the next meal.  Another person said, It's the simple process of knowing what to do next."

"At that moment, the monk had an insight."  This happens before we even finish Step 9 -- "...we will be amazed before we are half way through."  Our hearts open, we do have an insight,  "Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change."   This is what we learn, this is what happens to us from doing these Steps.

Bill

8th and 9th Step Koan:  

A woman says to her sponsor, "Please teach me about Steps 8 and 9." Her sponsor asks, "Are you hungry for sobriety?" "Yes I am," said the newcomer.Then go find the first person on your 8th Step list.

Steps 8 and 9: "Have you eaten?"

In a few days, our group will be sitting with Steps 8 and 9,  and this koan.

Step 8:  Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Step 9:  Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Koan:  (Case #7, Gateless Barrier)

A monk made a request of Joshu:  “I have just entered the monastery.  Please teach me.”
Joshu asked, “Have you eaten?”
The monk replied, “Yes, I have eaten.”
“Then,” said Joshu, “wash your bowls.”  At that moment, the monk had an insight.

Here are a few questions that may stir things up for you:

1)  "I have just entered..."  Where are we entering with Steps 8 and 9?
2)  What am I being taught when using these Steps?  What do others teach me?
3)  "I have eaten..."  How do these Steps nourish me?
4)  Then, what do we do next?

Bill

Everything is Best, Part II

Early in August, I was asked to sit "up front" this Monday and give the evening talk.  As I began preparing for this, I had a different koan in mind; then it came to me that the koan we used on "12 & Zen" Friday might be the best one to use.  What follows here is pretty much what I plan to say on Monday.

When Banzan was walking through a market he overheard a conversation between a butcher and his customer.
“Give me the best piece of meat you have,” said the customer.

“Everything in my shop is the best,” replied the butcher.  You cannot find here any piece of meat that is not the best.”

At these words Banzan became enlightened.

(He came to a realization)

Perhaps you’ve heard of the First Noble Truth = Suffering.  Life is suffering. To be human is to suffer.  Why?  The Second Noble Truth tells us why -- Suffering is caused by craving, our attachments…

“Give me the best piece of meat you have,” he asks.  Isn’t this a perfect setup for suffering?

         I’m hungry          …craving
         I want food          …craving
         I want the best    …craving “squared”

The BEST … It's a loaded word for us.  Even Banzan.  I can picture him whispering under his breath, “Oh do I love pork chops…they are the best cut.” And he might go on thinking how he hates liver.

My friend Jim and I talk camera stuff a lot.  We usually carry our small cameras everywhere.  A few years ago just before  we began doing this, Jim had a very capable compact Casio camera.  But I bought a Canon SD700.

Later on, Jim liked what he saw in my little Canon camera and bought the latest version, the SD 800.  No longer did he see the Casio as the best.

But when it comes to our large SLR cameras, Jim and I agree that Nikon is the best.  Since 2008, we’ve been very pleased with the Nikon D300.  That is, until Jim recently bought a Nikon D7100.  Now my D300 doesn’t seem to be the best anymore.

This is what we do when BEST enters the mind; probably beginning with the caveman looking for the best club or the cavewoman looking for the best grinding stone.

“Everything in my shop is the best,” replied the butcher.  EVERYTHING? How could everything in his shop be the best?  A sales gimmick, right?  He wants to sell all his meat that day.  He wouldn’t say this flank steak is best but those short ribs aren’t so good.

From the butcher's perspective, everything could be the best.  What if, to every customer, the butcher picked out the best piece of meat available….

·          I’d like a T-bone   – he’d pick the best T-bone.
·         The best chicken thigh – he’d pick the best chicken thigh.

…until finally there is only one piece of meat left; but it, too would be the best piece available.  Using his butcher skills, he could choose each next best piece of meat.  Maybe he’s onto something here?

But if I’m the customer, how do I know for sure I’m getting the best?  There’s that little nagging doubt.  Can we ever really know what is best?  Can anything actually be the best?

When I was 19 years old, having less than stellar grades at Colorado State, they requested that I not return the following year.  With the Viet Nam War going on, I joined the Naval Air Reserves instead of the possibility of being drafted.  It meant only 6 months of active duty, one weekend each month for 5 years, and two weeks each summer.   This was the best thing for me, yes?

In January of 1968 the North Koreans captured the USS Pueblo.  This became known as the Pueblo Incident.  I was just 25 at the time, now going to Humboldt State College. I was raising my grade point average, obviously college was the BEST thing for me, and I had just met this girl named Beth…and … My reserve unit was recalled to active duty!  Bummer.  Not good.

As it turned out, being recalled turn out to be one of the best things.  (1) Beth and I married in the summer of 1968; (2) my active duty turned out to be only one year, (3) all at NAS Alameda; and (4) I received the GI Bill which helped pay for the remainder of college.


Worst can turn out to be the best.

Best can turn out to be the worst.

"You cannot find here any piece of meat that is not the best.”

First this koan draws us (and Banyan) into the world of duality with the word BEST.

Everything is best!  How could that be?  Now great doubt enters.

"You cannot find here..."  HERE …  That’s it!  "At these words Banzan became enlightened."  He got it! He woke up.  He experienced “Best” without words.

We have everything we need right here.  Just this!  Or in this case, everything that the butcher offered.

Craving, reaching, grasping, pulling things into my life, holding on, knowing the answer – does not bring me happiness.

Nor a closed or narrow mind, excluding things from view  -- There's an old Chinese saying: “Don’t slander the sky by looking at it through a tube.”  This will not bring happiness and contentment.

What we call BEST or WORST, could instead become:

·      Good enough.

·      It could be worse.

·      A glass half full.

Give me the best, right here, but everything is the best -- This is what Banyan experienced.

What was the best thing that came to you here?

Bill

Everything Is Best, Part I

Scrub Jay Babies

These Scrub Jay babies.  I discovered them in a maple tree by our front porch.  The nest seemed to be placed in a perfect location -- the best location -- away from predators still hidden amongst the leaves.  Each day I would
take a peek at them to see how fast they were growing.

This month's koan:

When Banzan was walking through a market he overheard a conversation between a butcher and his customer. 


"Give me the best piece of meat you have," said the customer.

"Everything in my shop is the best," replied the butcher. "You cannot find here any piece of meat that is not the best."

At these words Banzan became enlightened.


We just met last Friday for 12 & Zen and here is the koan we used.  This was our "Pot Luck" evening where all of the Steps were available.  I asked everyone to see what koan appears when sitting with this koan.

Step 7 came to several people.  When we truly ask our Higher Power to remove our shortcomings, aren't we doing this to become the best person we can be? 

Another person said everyone is the best.  It reminded them of the koan about having no rank ... being a person among persons, which morphed into Step 9 when we make our amends.  We're just humans trying to make things better for all.

If he says it's best, then it is the best.  And who else offers us nothing but the best?  Our Higher Power.  This was Step 3 for her, trusted her God, the butcher.

One Flattened Toad

Three words in this koan stood out for me:

Best
Everything
Here

Best has such a charge to it.  So does worst.  We seem to place ourselves in either of these camps, depending upon circumstances. And just when we are sure of ourselves, we find where one of the worst things in our lives turned out to be one of the best things -- or one of the best things (we thought) turns out to be one of the worst.




Then one morning I peeked into the bird nest only to find that ALL the babies were gone!  Nothing
left.  No feathers because they had not yet developed them.  Just guessing that it was a neighbor's
cat.  Or it could have been a crow or raven.  I guess that wasn't the best place to build a nest.  Then
again, whatever ate them had the best of meals.

On one of my daily walks, I came across the dead toad in the road.  I'm glad we have toads in the neighborhood.  I've been known to "rescue" them and take them back to my garden.  Not the best
outcome for this one.  But I was attracted to the colors of the guts and gore; somehow they seemed vibrant and alive.   The best of colors against the road's asphalt.

A few days later I came across another toad, this one of the toad-bank variety.  Everything about this toad made it the best one of the day.

What IS the best Step?  This reminded me of what I once heard at a meeting where a person said, "If we could do Step 3 perfectly, we wouldn't need any of the other Steps."  But we can't do anything perfectly, so every Step is the best. 

I'm not making light of this.  You cannot find here any Step that is not the best. Every Step is best when we are using it in our lives.  What is best for us then is what is right happening here.

To be continued...

Bill