Follow Me?

It was 10 minutes before we were about to begin our Friday of the month 12 & Zen meditation group and only 6 people had arrived. At least that same number of people during the week had told me they couldn't make it this time. I was resigned to have a small group this time. Wrong. Fifteen people showed up! We had an evening full of spirit.

At the beginning are announcements and disclaimers to make, one being "This is not an official 12 Step meeting nor do you even have to be in a 12 Step member...this is not intended to be a replacement of working your Steps, but instead an augmentation to your practice."

About a year ago I received an email from a person who was excited to have found this site. And he asked me what he needed to do next, as in expecting direction from a teacher. I don't think I was very clear in my answer; but now more has been revealed. We could have more of a dialog here than I first envisioned. What came to me at the end of our meditation period was the notion that 12 & Zen ought not be a once-a-month practice although with our one evening a month it's easy to think so. This evening I pointed out the "Followers" section on the blog (right hand side) and asked people to consider becoming one. This is the main purpose of today's posting. I invite you to join with the other Followers and thank you to those who already have.

Whatever the koan we worked with on a Friday evening, I urged folks to carry this koan around with themselves every day for a month's time. Give these koans an opportunity to bring about their possibilities for your benefit.

This brings me back to following this blog. I usually post but two times a month, occasionally more. Followers receive an email and link when I post. Now you'll have a built in reminder to return to your koan and continue this your 12 Step path. And PLEASE, tell me how the koan surprised you. Tell me about any shifts that came about. What experiences did you have?

This is something we can do here...to increase our dialog with each other. It's another way of showing others how practice is working in our lives. So you're not really following me -- you'll be following your path, your new and improved path (hopefully) that includes koan practice AND the 12 Steps. We can follow each other. Like a good recipe, everyone can contribute to this nutritious soup here.

Bill K.

Passing it on

Recently at a meeting a speaker told us about a past sponsor she had early in recovery. This sponsor had shown her a life worth living. More than that, she convinced her that her life was worth living. Then her sponsor died a year later.

The speaker went on, relating how stressful it had been to initially ask this woman to be her sponsor; what it was like to work the 12 Steps with her; and finally how it was after she was gone ... followed by her search to find a new sponsor.

When it was time for audience participation, Lori stood up and spoke. She knew who this sponsor who had died was. In fact, that woman once came to her and asked her to be her sponsor. Lori was already sponsoring several other women at the time and turned down her request; then quickly responded, "It's time for one of my sponsees to begin sponsoring, why don't you ask her to be your sponsor?"

She did, this woman said "yes" to her request! You can see how this sponsoring weaves a wonderful tapestry of recovery, connecting to others far and wide. "We suggest you get a sponsor who has a sponsor." I hear this at meetings all the time. Or a newcomer may appear, introduce himself, and exclaim, "You're my grand sponsor! And so it goes, one person passing it onto another, who in turn passes it onto another.


At PZi, if you decide to take your vows, usually you also choose a teacher at the same time. We have several teachers in the sangha, we work with all of them; but there's one who you'll want to be your main teacher. This teacher may one day inscribe your dharma name on the backside of your rakusu and present it to you in a refuge ceremony. This is the way I did it. I meet with my teacher where he guides me in my practice. Long ago, my teacher did this, too. He took his vows and chose a teacher.

There is no room for any "thy shall nots" in Zen vows. Still, we commit to them, knowing that our everyday actions will come back to us in one way or another. So being aware of our vows, trying to follow them the best we can will bring us a good life. We don't take vows in 12 Step programs; but sponsors do ask their sponsees to make a commitment to work the Steps. The first thing my sponsor asked me was, "Are you willing to go to any length?" By saying "yes," in a way, is a vow -- by becoming willing to do things differently now, by following someone else's suggestions instead of relying on our own will power. If we're serious about recovery, this is a vow of sorts, though we don't know it at the time, nor how it will affect our future.

In Zen, when a teacher sees a student of potential, the training begins. Diligently they work together. It can be years ... or decades later when the teacher finally recognizes his student as a dharma heir. Usually there's a dharma transmission ceremony where the once student becomes a designated teacher and now has the authority to go out and start at his/her own sangha elsewhere. This is our Zen lineage, teacher/student relationships, one teacher passing it onto another who in turn passes it onto another.

Newcomers find their sponsors. They work the Steps together. Having finished the Steps, recovery flourishes. You may not feel like it at the time; but your sponsor has prepared you to pass it on, to become a sponsor yourself. You try to practice these Steps in all your affairs. Then one day (usually when you least expect it) you find a newcomer coming up to you and asking, "Will you be my sponsor?"

Or one day you find yourself in a sangha not knowing anything about meditation or koans or dharma and wonder if that guy carrying that stick is going to hit you with it. What the heck, you want to see what this is all about and plop down on a cushion. Begin sitting. Decide to stay. Perhaps take the vows and choose a teacher or simply allow yourself to become a student there. And practice every day.

Oh my ... this 12 Step and Zen practice is deep and wide and a larger community than I had ever imagined.

Bill K

Step 12 and Christmas

Continuing on the topic of the twelfth month and Step Twelve, the holiday season is drawing to a close. Holiday season? It's Christmastime for most people in the U.S.. There, I said it in a Zen blog. Christmas ... which fits quite nicely into the scheme of things. Here is a message that one of our PZi teachers (David Weinstein) posted online:

The first time that Christmas ever meant anything to me, other than the popular culture meaning of gift giving and having parties, was the Christmas I spent at the Kopan Monastery outside of Kathmandu, on a hill overlooking Bodhnath, the largest stupa in Nepal. When the Lamas were asked why they celebrated Christmas, complete with a tsampa nativity scene, they said, 'Jesus was a great bodhisattva, why wouldn't you celebrate his birthday?' I think of it as a way of celebrating the diversity of the manifestations of awakening. Merry Awakening! -- David

Jesus as a great bodhisattva ... sounds quite reasonable to me. And what did he teach? Good will to all; love thy neighbor as thyself; do unto others as you would have them do unto you. These sound like bodhisattva features. The Buddha's teachings can be condensed down to three words, "Do no harm". And Step 12 can easily take its place in this setting, where we find our freedom by helping others. By working the Steps a transformation takes place. We learn that it is "better to understand than to be understood." We learn to give more of ourselves and take less for ourselves.

Here is the other koan that we apply to Step 12, Case 8. Entangling Vines:

Lingyun Zhiqin of Fuzhou was enlightened upon seeing the blossoms of a peach tree. In a verse he said: For thirty years I sought a sword-master How many times have leaves fallen and new buds appeared? But since having seen the peach blossoms, I have never doubted again!

"Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps..." is no different from Lingyun's experience upon seeing the peach blossoms. He didn't set out by saying that when he sees some peach blossoms that he would be awakened. But at that moment he was not thinking of himself.
He was completely open to whatever came next. At that moment he was peach blossoms.

So yes, Jesus, Buddha, Christmas, bodhisattvas, Step Twelve, and koans seem right for each other.

Bill K.

Step 12, Saving All Beings

We have the Four Boundless Vows, the first being "to save all beings." Appearing in different translations, "Beings are numberless" I vow to save them, I vow to liberate them, I vow to be one of them, I vow to wake them. Really now? It's easy to save all puppies; but for one person to save all beings? Impossible. But we do.

Step 12: "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and practice these principles in all our affairs."

To carry our message, our truth, our principles, isn't this how we save others? It's not about rescuing or propping them up in a codependent sort of way, it's about attraction rather than promotion. An attraction of how we live our lives. By practicing the 12 Steps the best I can, is to save all beings. By practicing my Zen the best I can, is to save all beings. It's not to be thought of in a quantitative way either, as in "I saved so-and-so 10% today. The operative words of Step 12 are to carry and practice. If we are carrying, if we are practicing -- we are saving.

We just had our monthly 12 & Zen gathering a few days ago. This being December, we were doing a koan with Step 12.

Chao Chou, teaching the assembly, said, “The Ultimate Path is without difficulty; just avoid picking and choosing.”

Merrily along I went throughout the week carrying this koan with Step 12, only to eventually realize that I had copied the koan we use for Step 2 instead of the one for Step 12. But it was working for me! The breadth of a koan's workability never ceases to amaze me. Our evening went well using this koan.

It's probably not a surprise to you that "awakening" arrives from within. It's available to us any time, any place, still we think it's elsewhere and attempt to grasp for it outside ourselves. Just try to pick your next awakening experience. There's no way we can pick and choose our awakenings; but we try nonetheless.

Step 12 is about our own awakening having worked the Steps with our sponsor. Of course we aren't done with it all ... it's the beginning of our journey of helping (saving) others. We've become givers instead of takers, giving of ourselves, by practicing " ...these principles in all our affairs." When our words and thoughts and actions reflect the 12 Steps, we save all beings, including ourself.

Bill K.

Gratitude

"The greatest thing is to give thanks for everything. He who has learned this knows what it means to live. He has penetrated the whole mystery of life: giving thanks for everything." Albert Schweitzer

In a way this posting is deviating a bit from the blog's 12 Step/koan dialog, still, no matter what Step we're with, the act of being thankful is always available, running in our recovery veins. At November meetings around here, "This is gratitude month," is almost always acknowledged, with that being the topic du jour. It was the topic of a planned PZi one day retreat; but because the teacher became ill, the retreat was cancelled. Not to be forgotten, when our Monday evening rolled around the gratitude koan from the cancelled retreat appeared.

But first came the Monday morning news when I was told of an horrific event -- a 12 Step friend of mine had been stabbed to death by his mentally deranged son.

My heart was heavy as I walked into the zendo. My only plans were to sit with this tragedy and later to call out Mark's name at the dedication sutra. Jacqueline was leading the evening sitting and offered this koan:

"Thank you very much I have no complaints whatsoever."

Did I have some complaints on my mind? You bet I did. This shouldn't have happened to Mark. What a senseless killing? His daughter had called 911, oh the pain she must be going through. And the troubled son, his life now ... and the county, why did they choose to close down the only emergency mental health facility? Oh yeah, I have some complaints here, and not feeling much gratitude at all. And given more time I might have included complaints about not having anything to be grateful for.

Clearing my mind, coming back to the koan, clearing my mind, coming back to the koan, I sat.

I would rather be thankful for something agreeable where it's easy to have no complaints... you know, where everything is going your way. Not tonight. Things aren't going my way. Is there room for thankfulness here? Nope. But as the evening progressed my thoughts shifted to what it was like to know Mark. Such a gentle man. He had more than three decades of recovery, too. His words have helped me along the way, his actions have shown me how to live more fully, using the 12 Steps in my life. Thank you very much for having Mark in my life, I have no complaints whatsoever. While "being" with Mark on my cushion, I realized the complaints had vanished, there was no room for complaints to appear. Complaints only narrow my vision and taint my mind. Is this what my Higher Power wants for me?

This koan can be viewed as a barrier-like rigid statement (akin to "you should be doing it this way") -- or as the catalyst for a stretching, integration and flexibility of thoughts, conflicting thoughts not in conflict, a freedom supported by the Universe. There even came a thankfulness for not complaining; for it's thankfulness that opens up my heart and mind to what this life is really made of, something I don't want to miss.

Bill K

God and Zen, Can This Work?

Many years ago when I was the registrar for PZi, I contacted a local (mainline) protestant church to see if we could post a flyer on their bulletin board about our upcoming retreat . The secretary was very pleasant saying that she had to clear this request with her pastor, that he was away right now and would get back to me. A few days later, since I was in the neighborhood I dropped by the church to see about our request. The secretary informed me that we could not post our flyer. Then she said her pastor told her that "...Buddhists are people who worship trees...that our flyer would be inappropriate for their bulletin board."


We worship trees? His response surprised me at its ignorance. Had he also called us pagans, that too would have been an inadequate response.


Most 12-Steppers have a God in their lives. Regarding the book Alcoholics Anonymous, since "Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem" (P.45). Finding a Higher Power is critical for recovery, and at the same time, there are those who come to believe by not believing. There's a story around here about the weekly Atheists and Agnostics Group that was started more than 20 years ago. The joke is that all they talked about at this meeting was God.

God and Zen, can this work?


That there are Zen Masters in the United States who also happen to be Rabbis or Catholic Priests is evidence that absolutely YES, we can have a God in our life and practice Zen, too. One of our PZi members is the minister of a local protestant church where, besides his ministry, he also teaches Zen koans and is creating Christian koans to boot. I don't try to figure out who God is, nor how Zen works. What I have found is that this God/Zen combination is extraordinarily beneficial -- a symbiotic relationship for me -- where no longer can I practice one and not the other.


Here's a photograph of David, a United Church of Christ minister, meditates in the warm morning sun at a 7-day Zen retreat held at a Catholic facility.


Nyogen Senzaki (1876-1958) was one of the early Japanese Zen Masters to come to the United States. He used to wonder why Americans kept asking him, "What do you believe in? Who do you worship?" His reply went something like, "We in Zen don't believe in anything, we understand. We don't worship anything, we practice."

How fortunate for us! Zen doesn't tell us we have to believe in something and Twelve Step programs tell us that we may choose what to believe. By practicing the Twelve Steps and Zen Koans, we've been given the gift to believe and understand, which just may put us at a distinct advantage for finding joy and freedom in our lives.


Bill K.

Creating Space Between Thoughts

I'm working with a sponsee who's been in recovery for quite some time now -- still he hasn't placed much of a priority on meditation. He told me he meditates a few minutes at a time here and there during the day. It's good that he's doing this; but I've found that a daily block of time produces better results. Surely anyone can set aside 2% of their day to meditate -- that's only 30 minutes. Any amount of meditation is beneficial, right?

"There is really no benefit to meditation ... but the side effects can be great." -- Zen student Jurek Dumchowski *

I can't hear or experience any messages from my Higher Power when I'm talking. I can't hear or experience any messages from my Higher Power when I'm thinking, for thinking is but talking to myself in my head. "Selfishness -- self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles." The self-centered are always thinking about themselves.

I've got to make space for God's messages, the Universe's messages, a koan's message. This is why a BLOCK of meditation time is so important. Revelations come to me in-between the words of my thoughts and meditation widens that space between words. Slivers of meditation time give but slivers of reception while blocks of meditation provide the potential to give full reception to what's being offered.

Thinking, thinking about thoughts, not criticizing yourself for this, letting go of those thoughts, returning to the moment -- Thinking, thinking about thoughts, not criticizing yourself for this, letting go of those thoughts, returning to the moment -- Thinking, thinking about thoughts, not criticizing yourself for this, letting go of those thoughts, returning to the moment -- Thinking, thinking about thoughts, not criticizing yourself for this, letting go of those thoughts, returning to the moment... this is all you have to do for full reception.

I was taught to count my breath in meditation, keeping my eyes about one-quarter open. When I find myself telling stories to myself, to let them go and return to my breath.

"In zazen, leave your front door and your back door open. Let thoughts come and go. Just don't serve them tea." Shunryu Suzuki

Koan practice is really a kind of meditation practice. When I find my mind wandering, when I notice that I'm thinking about my thoughts, to let them go and return to my koan. Any part of the koan will do -- koan meditation ... coming back to your koan, just like coming back to your breath.

Establishing a daily half-hour block of meditation is like having regular workout sessions at the gym except here you're building up your meditation muscles and endurance. This will increase the effectiveness of any meditations during the day. By increased effectiveness I mean better "reception" is created for any messages coming your way. An enhanced meditation practice is preparation for great side effects. How? A new-found ease in your meditation appears. No longer is it a chore or "homework" that your sponsor gives to you; instead, it will become a lifesaving tool that you'll reach for without even knowing that you're reaching.

And all this will happen by setting aside only 2% of your day to meditate.

Bill K

* "Zen On Sonoma Mountain ..." -- The Press Democrat Newspaper, Published on May 3, 1998