Step Twelve is our Great Vow

 

Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and practice these principles in all our affairs. 

 

Called by various titles, The Four Great Vows, The Four Boundless Vows, The Four Bodhisattva Vows, etc.  For our koan this month, we’ll be sitting with this sutra:

 

Koan: GREAT VOWS FOR ALL -- CityZen – Santa Rosa

 

I vow to wake [save] all the beings of the world 

I vow to set endless craving [desire] to rest        

I vow to walk through every dharma gate   

I vow to live the great Buddha way 

 

Year 2021 is nearly over and we’ve been practicing the 12 Steps along the way.  Here we are, at Step 12, which is not the end of the course; it’s the spiritual engine that powers and directs our lives.  The Four Vows are doing the same thing from a Buddhist perspective, showing again that 12 Step programs and Buddhism correspond to each other.

 

Linji advises, “Face the world and walk crosswise. Take what is given by the karma focused in the present moment and revise it. Turn things around. Change their meaning. The responsibility that goes along with taking the bodhisattva vows of Mahayana Buddhism does not have any limit. And the only way to shoulder it is to be unburdened by any habits or doubts…everywhere you stand is real - - the bodhimandala, or place of awakening. Doing so, even though circumstances come and go, they won’t be able to influence or catch you.”

 

     Chan Buddhism by Peter D. Hershock, page 125

 

 

This is good advice when we read the Big Book. Turn things around and change the meanings, especially true in how we choose a higher power of our own understanding, or whatever we turn things over to. The responsibility that goes along with integrating the 12 Steps into our lives does not have any limit.

Step Twelve

Awakened at last

Knowing I have a purpose

Service to others

 

Looking around at various Mahayana schools of Buddhism, you’ll find that most of them place a high value on The Four Great Vows, putting voice to these vows at the end of each day.

 

“To me the four vows are important because they remind me that the intimate way involves all of us. I love the inside joke that we cannot actually achieve liberation without everyone coming along, and at the same time that victory was won before the creation of the stars and planets. For me repeating it daily is a constant reminder of the play of this sometimes horrific and sometimes painfully beautiful life. And that we're all together in this lovely mess...”  

 

     James Myo’un Ford, Roshi, Teacher Emeritus, Boundless Way Zen

 

                                                         

Buddhist teachers throughout have changed words, language, and phraseology in order to more effectively teach new students of a different culture. Teachers today continue with changing – where one may prefer “save”, another uses “wake” – where one chooses “craving”, another uses “delusions”, and still another “kleshes”; they all are pointing in the same direction. Here is a sampling of various translations and preferences:

 

 

1] The Four Great Vows – Kwan Um School of Zen

 

Sentient beings are numberless. We vow to save them all.

Delusions are endless. We vow to cut through them all.

The teachings are infinite. We vow to learn them all.

The Buddha Way is inconceivable. We vow to attain it. 

 

 

2] The Four Great Bodhisattva Vows – Upaya Zen Center

 

Creations are numberless, I vow to free them.

Delusions are inexhaustible, I vow to transform them.

Reality is boundless, I vow to perceive it.

The awakened way is unsurpassable, I vow to embody it.

 

 

3] FOUR INFINITE VOWS -- Honolulu Diamond Sangha

 

All beings without limit I vow to carry over;

Kleshas without cease I vow to cut off;

Dharma gates without measure I vow to master;

Buddha Ways without end I vow to fulfill

 

 

4] THE FOUR GREAT VOWS – Rocks and Clouds Zendo, Sebastopol, CA

 

The many beings are numberless, I vow to free them

Greed, hatred, and ignorance rise endlessly, I vow to abandon them

Dharma gates are countless, I vow to wake to them

The Buddha way is unsurpassed, I vow to embody it fully

 

 

5] FOUR VOWS OF BODHISATTVA– Nichiren Buddhism 

 

Living beings are limitless; I vow to deliver them.

Mental afflictions are inexhaustible; I vow to cut them off.

Dharma gates are incalculable; I vow to practice them.

The buddha way is unsurpassed; I vow to attain it.

 

 

6] Regarding Tibetan Buddhism, Christine Skarda, Tibetan Buddhist Nun (She did her first three-year retreat in the early 90s) told me:

 

“In my Tibetan tradition we do not recite these four vows as do Zen practitioners at a sutra service. But we share these intentions nonetheless since they are embedded in the bodhisattva ideals of Mahayana practice. I am very fond of the zen tradition’s expression of these four vows in group practice. I think it is very important.” 

 

"Shohaku Okamura wrote a book called, 'Living by Vow'. As Bodhisattvas that’s how our practice is developed. Our wish to wake up to the Buddha Way, which is our life in its most elemental way, framed by our vows and the Paramitas. The vows might appear impossible to attain, we know that, and yet as Okamura says we live by these vows. My teacher used to say that the fact that they appear impossible or very difficult if not impossible to not break, we do it anyway.  That in itself is a big koan that we assume voluntarily with the spirit of a Bodhisattva, to alleviate the suffering of all beings including ourselves. I would say also, as we practice with our vows they make more sense and allow us continue the Path of the Bodhisattva”

     

     Daniel Terragno, Roshi, Rocks and Clouds Zendo

 

With 35 years of sobriety and 25 years of Zen practice, a few months ago I came to realize, an awakening,  that Step Twelve is our great vow! 

 

Here are two examples for your consideration:

 

Suffering alcoholics are numberless, I vow to carry the message.

Selfishness and resentments rise endlessly, I vow to let them go.

Service is paramount, I vow to put others first.

The Twelve Steps are unsurpassed, I vow to embody them fully.

 

Or

 

I vow to carry the message to all suffering alcoholics

I vow to let go of selfish and resentful ways

I vow to practice these principles in all my affairs

I vow to live the Twelve Steps fully

 

Or how about writing version of your own understanding?

 

And always remember...

 

Bill K.

 

 

 

December 12 & Zen Reminder

Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and practice these principles in all our affairs.  

 

Called by various titles, The Four Great Vows, The Four Boundless Vows, The Four Bodhisattva Vows, etc. - - for our December koan, we’ll be sitting with this sutra:

 

GREAT VOWS FOR ALL

 

I vow to wake [save] all the beings of the world 

I vow to set endless craving [desire] to rest        

I vow to walk through every dharma gate   

I vow to live the great Buddha way 

Enjoy your sitting...

Bill K.

Step 11, Paying Attention to Every Day

Double your pleasure

Stay away from the drink

Double the koans

It’s not what you think

 

Lucky us, we’ll be sitting with two koans in November.

 

Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.  

 

KOAN:  HERE'S AN OLD ZEN STORY: a student said to Master Ichu, "Please write for me something of great wisdom." Master Ichu picked up his brush and wrote one word: "Attention." The student said, "Is that all?" The master wrote, "Attention. Attention." The student became irritable. "That doesn't seem profound or subtle to me." In response, Master Ichu wrote simply, "Attention. Attention. Attention." In frustration, the student demanded, "What does this word 'attention' mean?" Master Ichu replied, "Attention means attention."

 

KOAN: Yun Men said, “I don’t ask you about before the fifteenth of the month, try to say something about after the 15^th. Yun Men himself answered for everybody. ‘Every day is a good day.’” 

[Note: Before the 15^th is referring to before awakening, and after the 15^th about after awakening.] 

Step 3 and Step 11 are in a wonderful relationship, whereas Step 3 is like an insurance policy, insuring me from that first drink. And like all insurance policies, one must pay the premiums.  Step 11 is the daily premium for this policy. If I stop paying, I’ll lose the policy. With no coverage, I’m doomed. 

Sought: 

To seek is to keep looking – to practice.  This requires attention and diligence. Think of an athlete, seeking to improve her track and field performances, she does this by  running on the track and working in the weight room regularly. If she wants to do her best in the next track meet, she must practice daily, to build stamina, speed, endurance, and strength, and to maintain a positive attitude.. 

Sought through prayer and meditation:

Running and the weight room helped our track star to build her muscles and run faster - - by developing a daily prayer practice AND a daily meditation practice, we build “spiritual muscles” to improve contact with our higher power. These muscles will grow, building stamina, speed, endurance, strength, on a spiritual level that is always available to us no matter where we are, what we’re doing or who we’re with. Prayer and meditation are the avenue to changing perceptions. 

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him:

A little twist here. What if “before the 15^th”

means before conscious contact with God

and after the 15^th means having conscious

Contact with God?

On page 229 in the Big Book the early member writes, “…my only contribution to their literary efforts [ the book Alcoholics Anonymous ] was my firm conviction – since I was a theological rebel – that the word God should be qualified with the phrase ‘as we understood Him’ – for that was the only way I could accept spirituality.” 

Thank God for this phrase! Some say it’s one of the most important concepts in the book.  It has certainly provided me the wherewithal and permission to change my perception of my higher power.  I use the word God in conversations because it-s prevalent in the Big Book, at meetings, and necessary when talking with sponsees and newcomers – but my higher power is not a deity, but more like a verb. Please allow me to elaborate.

  

“…either God is everything or else He is nothing.” Page 54

 

From a non-duality perspective, this didn’t make sense to me. Nothing is something, just as the number zero is something. The vast majority of the universe is nothing, and this nothing-ness plays an integral part in what’s going on. Zero is nothing, and without it, astronomers wouldn’t have their cosmic equations.  When I see the word “Gog” in a sentence, I pivot to my Higher Power of nothing and everything that’s happening just now.  

praying only for knowledge of His will for us: 

As you may recall, my higher power is not a He nor deity. Then what does “His will” look like to me?  The key is paying  attention to what’s happening just now. If God is everything, then everything must be my higher power. Everything around me is happening. God is happening. My life goes better when I go with this flow receiving whatever comes my way or goes away. The level of my awareness determines my flow with the happenings just now. 

It’s only through AA, the 12 Steps, and integrating Eastern philosophy into my life where I began to recognize the goodness around me.  [I appreciate my life.] When I was drinking, the goodness was surrounding me and still, I didn’t appreciate my life. You know how this is,  spending too much time thinking solely of myself.  

Today I make a point of saying, ‘You are good, everything else is impermanent.” Therefore, “good” is my higher power. Every day is a good day, when I’m open to it. 

What makes for a good day? Waking up is a good start instead of coming to. Appreciating my surroundings, and smelling the coffee that my wife is brewing. After Wendy, our Lab/Golden mix has had her breakfast, she hops up on the bed, often giving me a few kisses on the head, as if to say, “It’s time to get up.” At this time of the year, while writing this draft, I have cherries and peaches with my oatmeal. Absolute heaven for the tastebuds.  

My friend Jerry is in hospice now. I visit him on Thursdays, take him to a nearby meeting on Saturdays, and call him every evening. We’ve been sitting side-by-side at meetings for over 30 years…meeting fixtures we are…or were. When I ask him how his day has gone, invariably he replies, “It’s been a good day today.” It’s sad to see how the effects of the cancer are taking my friend away; yet oh how I appreciate the time we’re still together. This makes it a good day. 

and the power to carry that out.   

Like an electric current, this power is generated from paying attention, from acceptance, from appreciation, and gratitude.  And having purpose! Our 12 Steps are all about purposefully serving others. Service generates power on many levels, even when I initially don’t want to do something, then decide to do it.  I’m always rewarded.   

Some days I feel more powerful than others. When I’m taking care of my body, mind, and spirit, life flows pretty smoothly. My spiritual fitness has a direct relationship with my daily practice.  Today's been a good day.

Bill K.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Double your pleasure

Stay away from the drink

Double the koans

It’s not what you think

 

Hello My Friends:

Lucky us, we’ll be sitting with two koans in November.

 

Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. 

 

KOAN #1:  HERE'S AN OLD ZEN STORY: a student said to Master Ichu, "Please write for me something of great wisdom." Master Ichu picked up his brush and wrote one word: "Attention." The student said, "Is that all?" The master wrote, "Attention. Attention." The student became irritable. "That doesn't seem profound or subtle to me." In response, Master Ichu wrote simply, "Attention. Attention. Attention." In frustration, the student demanded, "What does this word 'attention' mean?" Master Ichu replied, "Attention means attention."

 

KOAN #2: Yun Men said, “I don’t ask you about before the fifteenth of the month, try to say something about after the 15^th. Yun Men himself answered for everybody. ‘Every day is a good day.’”

 

[Note: Before the 15^th is referring to before awakening, and after the 15^th about after awakening.] 

Bill K.

Lost and Found in Step 10

Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. 

 Koan:  A student asked Yunmen, "What does it mean to sit and contemplate reality?"

Yunmen answered, "The coin lost in the river is found in the river."

 

In driving about the city, my wife’s anxiety peaks when she thinks she’s lost. When I’m driving and she asks, “Are we lost?”, my usual response is something like, “I don’t know where we are, but I’m not lost.” As long as we keep moving, we end up finding ourselves on the right road. But I can certainly lose myself in other situations.

I’m a blurter, where most of the time my blurts bring about laughter, as I intended – but not so last week. We were bantering around before a ZOOM meeting and I engaged my mouth without thinking it through. Laughter was not my intention, I wanted to make a point. I knew immediately that my words, directed to a specific person, might have been hurtful – that I’d have no peace of mind until I made amends. I suppose I could say, “I lost it.”

“What does it mean to sit and contemplate reality?”

Could it be “…to practice these principles in all our affairs?” Thanks to my 12-Step practice, I knew what I must do in those times when I find my thoughts lost in the river of my self-centered alcoholic thinking. 

My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions.

The Five Remembrances Sutra 

The way for me to examine the symptoms of my diseased self, I jumped back into that old river, thinking about what I had said; and how I had, for a moment, become lost in one of my old character shortcomings. Within minutes after the meeting ended, I knew I’d be taking the appropriate action soon (promptly admitted it). I contacted my friend and apologized. She said, “I took no offense in what you said.” I felt relieved with her response, and by finding my way out of the river.

What this practice has given me is much like it is when I’m driving with Beth. No longer do I feel lost in the consequences of my behavior. I may not know where I am for the moment but I know there’s a way out – by pivoting to the wisdom of Step 10.

Bill K.

 

 

 

Lost in Step 10

 

My Friends,

Yikes! Remembering in this morning, I knew there was something that I needed to do on October 1st. Aging forgetfulness has crept into my mind. 

Here's our koan for the month.

Bill K.

Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.  

 

 

Koan:  A student asked Yunmen, "What does it mean to sit and contemplate reality?"
Yunmen answered, "The coin lost in the river is found in the river."

Steps 9 and 10 -- it's dark outside...

  

 

Step 8:  Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. 

Step 9:  Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. 

 

Koan: Te-shan visited Lung-t’an and questioned him sincerely far into the night.  It grew late and Lung-t’an said, ”Why don’t you retire?” Te-shan made his bows and lifted the blinds to withdraw, but was met by darkness.  Turning back he said, “It is dark outside.”

Lung-t’an lit a paper candle and handed it to Te-shan.  Te-shan was about to take it when Lung-t’an blew it out.  At this, Te-shan had sudden realization and made bows.

[Case 28 The Gateless Barrier by Robert Aitken]

 

 

First Te-shan spoke that it was dark outside, words describing what he was seeing. This is like Step 8 when we think about the people we have harmed and write down our list. Thoughts about our past behavior also have a darkness to them. In doing our Step 4 and 5, we sat with this darkness. 

 

When Lung-tan blew out the candle, all that was left was darkness. Te-san could never have predicted what would come next. He became the darkness, no words about the darkness. This is like Step 9. With our actions, we become Step 9, a darkness of sorts, where our perceptions are unreliable and we find ourselves not knowing. We don’t know what will happen, but we do it anyway, trusting the process and continuing on with the amends. As or Step 9 progresses, holy smokes! Light begins to pour in. Without the dark, there cannot be light. 

Bill K.