Host and Guest

"The head monks of two parts of the meditation hall caught sight of each other and simultaneously gave a shout.

A monk asked the Master, 'In this case, was there any guest and any host, or wasn't there?'

The Master said, 'Guest and host are perfectly obvious!' Then the Master said, 'All of you -- if you want to understand what I have just said about guest and host, go ask the two head monks of the meditation hall.' "

This passage comes from The Zen Teachings of Master Lin-chi, translated by Burton Watson.

John Tarrant Roshi gave us a koan, the continuation of Lin-chi's voice:

"Wherever you are, just take the role of host, and that place will be a true place."



So began my sitting with this koan for a while, and it returned to my consciousness from time to time. What does it mean to be a good host? What do I get out of this experience? What does it mean to be a good guest? What do I get out of this experience?

"...and to practice these principles in all our affairs." Some say the principle of Step 12 is charity and love -- isn't this a pretty good example of being a good host? Whatever (or whoever) comes into our life, "Welcome, come on in ... how may I serve you?"



It wouldn't surprise me to one day experience this koan working in all the Steps. Each Step offers a principle: Step 1 Acceptance, Step 2 Faith, Step 3 Surrender and Trust ... Step 11 Patience.

Could this be the Steps taking on the role of host? And I am the guest?

Yes!

Host and guest, Steps and Koans, welcome.

Bill K.

Teaching What?

• I received a very sincere email the other day where the sender referred to my teaching.

• A different emailer had "When the student is ready..." as the Subject Line.

• In a casual conversation, a discussion about the upcoming October discussion group, I was asked if it was a classroom setting where one needed prior knowledge.

All of this has me thinking about the word "teaching" and where it fits into the scheme of things here. At PZi we have "official" teachers. John Tarrant Roshi is the main teacher. He has acknowledged others as dharma teachers or in training to become one. We also have senior leaders who give talks on Monday evenings, some who very well one day become a dharma teacher. I suppose I'm referred to as a senior student, and am given a few opportunities to lead discussions and facilitate groups, which entails a little small "t" teaching. You might consider me like the grad student teaching a lab class. We're in the 12 Step/Koan laboratory!

Even though I don't consider myself a big "T" teacher, I do know, from my experiences that what I'm presenting to you is unique to the Zen setting and thoroughly worthwhile.

Who Might Be My Audience?

• Zen practitioners in 12 Step recovery seeking different ways of experiencing the Steps
  
• 12 Step practitioners seeking out Zen as a possible path
• Zen practitioners looking outside the 12 Step group meeting arena
• Zen practitioners unsure if the 12 Steps are for them
• Can you add something new here?

What I've found in our group is an opening up, a more spacious (and safe) container for discussion without the usual constraints at a 12 Step meeting. Yet, as lively and intimate the discussion, it's afterwards where realization (ah-ha moments) most often appear.

It's when the koan appears from nowhere, revealing an aspect of one's life or with a Step that's never been experienced before. Call it going deeper, expanding horizons, or awakening, it's not something anyone has taught you. It's you being aware of that moment without the usual story-line in your head -- you and the universal truth -- which, after all, includes all things.

Bill K.

Body Exposed

The teacher last night gave us the "Golden Wind" koan, Case 27 from the Blue Cliff Record. This is the koan we use for Step Three.

A student of the Way asked Yunmen, "How is it when the tree withers and the leaves fall?"

Yunmen said, "The golden wind is revealing itself."

There I was, a slight smile on my face, ready to let this familiar koan engulf my meditation when my thoughts suddenly got thrown for a loop. He gave a different translation of the last line:

Yun Men said, "Body exposed in the golden wind."

"But, but, but," my mind chattered. Back and forth I went between the two translations, then my smile returned as I sat with "body exposed".

I like to think that in Step Three when it says, "made a decision," that this is really a prediction of things to come. Lord knows all the stories we've heard about three frogs on a lily pad and that we don't have to make the decision right now. But there comes a time when we become vulnerable to our Higher Power. We expose ourselves fully. It just happens one day ... that time where we stop trying to shield ourselves. OK God, let's begin to work things out together. I'll stop resisting and let you do the heavy lifting.

And later on in my meditation, the word "golden" brought to mind something beautiful, elegantly timeless, and warmly rich. "Golden wind," something that I can become completely and comfortably wrapped up in.

I have to be willing to allow my Golden Wind in. This can happen only when I'm fully exposed to this very moment.

As you may recall, it was this koan (the first version) that started my process of discovering how koans can affect my 12 Step practice. Now I can see how this different translation offers a deeper meaning to Step Three.


Bill K.

"What is zen?" asked the monk.

"Attention. Attention. Attention," replied the master.

Here is a koan that is fully encompassing. OK, they all are. What I meant is I didn't initially relate this koan to the Steps or recovery. Lately we've been having a PZi email dialog about "What is zen?" and responses have been all over the map.

This koan came from an old Zen story: a student said to Master Ichu, 'Please write for me something of great wisdom.'

Master Ichu picked up his brush and wrote one word: 'Attention.'
The student said, 'Is that all?'

The master wrote, 'Attention. Attention.'
The student became irritable. 'That doesn't seem profound or subtle to me.'

In response, Master Ichu wrote simply, 'Attention. Attention. Attention.'
In frustration, the student demanded, 'What does this word attention mean?'

Master Ichu replied, 'Attention means attention.'

Source: Charlotte Joko Beck. 1993. Nothing special: Living Zen. New York: HarperCollins. 168.



In keeping with my interest in the 12 Steps and koans, this particular koan leaked into my
consciousness appearing this way:

Attention to what? Practice! Paying attention to practice is a good thing. So zen is also Practice. Practice. Practice. We know that ... to practice these principles in all our affairs. Even when we screw up, that's practice. Noticing that we have screwed up, that's practice. Making amends, that's practice.

"What is zen?" asked the student.

"Sobriety. Sobriety. Sobriety," replied the master.

This is our practice. This is what we are attending to... our recovery.

Some time passed when another story question arose.

"What is sobriety?" asked the student.

"Zen. Zen. Zen," replied the master.

And there you have it. Proof positive that the path we are walking together, our practice of the Steps and koans, is something to be grateful for.

Bill K.

There Is a Solution

When I was asked to be the speaker at a meeting this past week (not one of my favorite activities), my mind took it's usual discourse ... "What will I say? What can I offer? Other people could do a better job."

Ego you know. Then I snapped out of it and said, "Yes, I'll be there."

I find no use in trying to script my talks at meetings; but I do sometimes have a note with several key words jotted down. No words came to me until I was showering the day before the meeting, when the name of the meeting popped up, "There is a Solution Group." I love that name. It seems so promising -- a way out of where we are coming from.

Solution. Solution. What has been a solution to my recovery? Hmmm. It probably won't surprise you what came up for me. Practice!

Practice was at the heart of my message that day. In Step 12 we "... practice these principles in all our affairs."

It's an example of how the Steps have, at times, come to work me. This only can happen when I'm present to the moment and allow the Step to enter my consciousness. When I'm trying to ignore the moment, or squabble with the moment, or make up a story about the moment, my life becomes more painful. But when I accept what is really present, then something like "This reminds me of Step One" might arise, or "This would be a good time to ask my Higher Power for some help," or "I shouldn't have said that, time to make amends."

In the beginning of recovery we do have to think about these matters, and think about solutions, as in reading a chapter of the Big Book and declaring, "Now I know what to do! " In maintaining a practice, the Steps appear to me rather than my thinking arriving at the solution, thus practicing is a solution to my problems.

I suspect most of you have had this experience of the Steps working on you. Now we've added koans to the mix. Practicing with koans adds another dimension to our survival kit. Practicing with both the Steps and koans gives us an added advantage to finding solutions. Sometimes the appropriate Step will appear, at other times a koan will appear, in either case, pay attention. The solution is right here.

Bill K.

Next Time Will Be Different

For almost two years now PZi has offered the 12 Steps/Koan discussions in blocks of 3+ consecutive weeks. We've held them in spring, summer, fall and winter months with varying attendance, 3-5 on some evenings and up to 12+ at other times. As I wrote last time, our numbers practicing the Steps and koans are relatively small. Attracting large numbers is not my goal; but I can see a value in having a consistent number participating.

Another aspect that was lacking was the ability to go through all the 12 Steps in sequence. A 12-week format seemed too much to ask especially when it became apparent that most people couldn't commit to three weeks. We lead busy lives. Being able to attend two out of three was more the norm.



So here's what we're planning to do. In October we'll begin a once-a-month format. The exact day has yet to be determined but probably the first or second Friday of each month. Since October is the tenth month, we will sit with Step 10 that evening, in November the 11th Step, December the 12th month, etc.

This format seems to be working well with one of our other PZi members, Jenny, who lives several hundred miles away. Another activity that PZi engages in is called "small groups" where people gather to sit with a koan then have a discussion. Jenny's small group meets monthly.

It's certainly worth a try. This monthly format provides a continuity that we haven't had before, to sit with all the Steps each year, along with a constant time/day reliability. Meeting once a month will give people more koan time, too. By that, I mean more time to carry one's koan around and more time for the koan to do its work... more practice!

Bill K.

When a small portion of a little thing is a big deal

We know that the number of people who are in 12 Step programs is very small compared to the number who could use the Steps. Likewise, the number of Zen groups who practice koans is very small compared to the total number of Zen groups. For that matter, there really aren't many people in the U.S. practicing Zen. These thoughts brought me to the directories of three popular Buddhist magazines, Tricycle, Shambhala Sun and Buddhadharma. I counted 50 Zen Centers.

Then I looked at the centers that mentioned Rinzai or koans as a part of their ad. There were about 11 of these. So I'll ball park it by saying about 20% of the Zen centers use koans in their practice.

James Ford has a recent book out called Zen Master Who? With all the research he did to write this book about "people and stories of Zen" in the United States, surely he would know about the popularity of koan practice. He wrote to me:

"A seat of the pants sense of percentages?

I don't know, not a quarter of Zen teachers. Maybe ten percent are serious about it. Possibly fewer.

Very, very tentative."

So there you have it. There aren't very many of us doing koans ... and fewer yet practicing koans and the 12 Steps. But this doesn't get me down one bit. It's about introducing quality in our lives... whether passing on the 12 Steps or passing on koan practice (or both!), if a single person's life changes for the better as a result of reaching out to another, then it's all worth it. I've helped save another being -- you've helped save another being.

Bill K.