September We Experiment

We didn't meet last Friday evening.  PZi had a three-day event happening.  This gives me the opportunity to experiment.

Instead of first sitting with a Step and then the koan.  Here is a koan, Case 230 from Entangling Vines,  to sit with:

Guishan Lingyou picked up a grain of rice and said, "Millions upon millions of grains of rice issue from this single grain.  Where does this grain issue from?"

I invite you to sit with this koan for the remainder of the month to see what Step(s) come to mind.

Please tell me how this koan worked for you.  What Step(s) came to you?  How did the Step(s) relate to the koan?  Join me in this experiment, I'd like to hear from you.  I sent this same request out to local people who show up for 12 & Zen.

 Next month we will be sitting with Steps 9 and 10 together.

I have another project in the wings -- a 12 & Zen eBook.  By announcing this to you now will give me the inertia to complete the little book in the next few months.  The idea of being able to have 12 & Zen available on a Kindle or other e-Readers seems appealing to me, offering 12 & Zen at your fingertips...whenever you find yourself in need of a Step and koan to ease whatever is happening then.  So stay tuned...

Bill K.

There's no perfect way ...

There's no perfect way to meditate -- there's no wrong way to meditate.

Meditation, whether it's noticing the breath or sitting with a koan, is like shoveling sand.  No matter how hard we try, sand will spill off the shovel.  Maybe only a few grains fall.  Another time it's half the load lost. 

The important point is we keep on shoveling no matter how much sand we spill.  It's only spilled  sand.  And besides, shoveling itself is meditation, koan practice is shoveling sand, simply pay attention...and allow the spilling to begin!

I plan to make an amends to one of the people who attended 12 & Zen last Friday.  We were sitting with a koan and Step Eight.  During the discussion time this one man remarked how the koan brought up experiences around Step Nine.

I probably was a little hasty when I mentioned that "...for tonight's discussion we were placing our focus on Step Eight."

Poor choice on my part.  Unfortunately I didn't think of this at the time.  The evening went well, most everyone joined in and seemed to enjoy the evening.



On the way home I realized that I was trying to control the topic instead of allowing the koan to lead our way.  I wasn't listening to my own words.  Of course this koan applies to Step Nine, and to
everything else in life. 

I was trying not to spill any sand; but I did anyway.  Next month I'll be doing more shoveling.

Bill K.

Ready and willing

Here is a different translation of the Gateless Gate case #10, a Chinese version -- and comments by my friend, D.T..  He has practiced in the koan tradition for a long time.  At a retreat and in conversation with the teacher he relates how Steps 6 and 7 became entangled with this koan.

Qinshui, Solitary and Destitute

A monk said to Qinshui, "I am solitary and destitute. Please give me alms."
Caoshan said, "Venerable Shui!"
Qinshui said, "Yes, sir!"
Caoshan said, "You have already drank three cups of the finest wine in the land, and still you say you have not moistened your lips."



Step # 6:

We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

We cannot give away what is not ours.  The only way to loosen and maybe get rid of our habitual patterns of behaviour is through a recognition of these,  a deep knowing of them that only comes through seeing them over and over again with a certain openness of attention and a realization of having arrived to the bottom of our situation and having no room to run away any more. A surrendering.




Our problem is often that we feel guilty, and shameful and we naturally want to run away from this so we make promises, pray to a Santa Claus god to give us what we want, which I see is the running away, once we sometimes obtain some relief from our shame and guilt we are back again to our deep habitual patterns of behaviour and we start the whole process again. And so on the familiar process continues....

It is unsaid in the koan above of what happened to this monk but it is assumed that he had a certain opening that allowed him to see something very deep and elemental about his living, his life, right there at that moment!  He saw deeply and acknowledge his condition, he owned it. Quinshi's words became the catalyst for this to happen.  We have to own our habitual patterns and see them clearly, free of wishful thinking and just as they are and then maybe we can begin to be free from them.

This monk has arrived at that place that many of us know, the bottom of our conditioning and the suffering it brings, there is no place to go –the Dark Night of the Soul as John of the Cross calls it– but the breaking open in this experience is exactly what the Universe provides when we get there, it is always there, it has always been there.    We find ourselves entirely ready....

Step #7:

Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

So our practice with these steps continues, our practice with this life of ours continues, we attend to it wholeheartedly, mindfully."

D.T.

- - -

After hearing D.T.'s experience with these two Steps AND a koan, it provided a spark, an incentive for me to delve deeper into Step/Koan relationships.  I had a Step/Koan relationship.  Now I was convinced that it can happen to others.

And so, 12 & Zen became a reality;  we began this PZi small groups project.







Bill K.

Steps 6 and 7: The Whole Doughnut Hole

“If I keep on turning my life and my will over to the care of Something or Somebody else, what will become of me ?  I’ll look like the hole in the doughnut” (P. 36 in the Twelve and Twelve).

I think I understand what the authors were saying here. By pondering this passage over time, a deeper revelation has come to me, giving the hole in the doughnut a more significant role than the original message may have conveyed.

The doughnut and the hole of the doughnut depend upon each other in order to remain complete –for without a hole, by definition, it would no longer be a doughnut. The hole is what makes a doughnut a doughnut!  The hole makes it whole.

We all can relate to the feelings we had when we first came to A.A., with an aching hole inside us that we couldn’t fill.  I know I didn't feel whole.  I tried booze but that didn’t work.


By working the Steps, the aching hole was eventually replaced.  No, I stand corrected… God’s love or one’s True Nature (What do you call it?) has always been there deep inside, but when drinking I was incapable of noticing, since all Icould think about was myself.

Our “doughnut hole” is our spirit.  Our practice is to notice it, bringing it to the forefront of our lives.  It’s that place before any thoughts appear, for that's how we live life to the fullest by embracing every moment.

In Step 6 we prepare ourselves and in Step 7 we humbly  ask God to remove our shortcomings. The act of turning things over and letting things go are pretty much integral to all of the Steps.  In my prior post I highlighted koan as spirit.  In this case it’s called doughnut hole spirit. In letting go we are tapping into our true self – who we really are -- our Universal Spirit.

Bill K.

Bill K

July and Step Seven

Step 7:  Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Koan:  Case 10, Gateless Gate:

A monk, Seizei, eagerly asked Master Sozan, "I am solitary and poor.  I beg you, Master, please help me to become prosperous."

Sozan said:  "Venerable Zei!"

"Yes Master!" replied Zei.

Sozan said,  "You have already drunk three cups of fine Hakka wine and still you say that you have not yet moistened your lips."


Here is your July koan to sit with, along with Step Seven.

To sit with...this is what we hear much of the time.  Also to remember that this koan is about you, just as this Step is about you. 

Koan as spirit is what friend David Parks-Ramage said the other day.  Your spirit.  This koan is your spirit.

Bill K.

How Are We Doing?

This is exactly what I asked myself a few weeks ago... "How are we doing with 12&Zen?"  Ever since we moved to a once-a-month format back in October, I felt a shift for the better  in how the
the evenings progressed.  But I wanted to know how the participants felt ... so I asked them to send me some examples of what they are getting out of 12&Zen.  Have they noticed any changes?
Here is what four people had to say, plus a bonus contributor (whose email simply arrived in time).

J.S. -- It's done at least two things I can think of immediately...first, it's solidified for me how koans are way more than mind puzzles...applying a koan to a step enriches my understanding of the step...perhaps as valuable, the participation of the group members in the discussion of the koan allows me to see other ways of thinking about how the koan and the step interact with each other and within my life...


B.F. -- The 12 and Zen has improved my conscious contact with God, as I understand him...hoping and praying that this knowledge will guide me in doing HIS will and carrying that out, to the best of my ability.

 K.G. -- I've attended the last two 12 Step Zen meetings.  These meetings are my first experience working with koans and I have really enjoyed trying to find the connection between the koan and the step.  The koans have challenged my understandings of the steps and invited me to think of them in different ways.  I appreciate the gently guided meetings and the respectful and light-hearted group who attend.  I really enjoy hearing how the other meeting attendees link the koan and the step and I generally keep thinking about the koan for a few days after the meeting.  I very much appreciate the chance to attend a 12-step meeting that is not solely Christian in it's understanding of the steps.  I look forward to attending in June.

L.M -- What I get from working in a small group around the steps is support, a different take, and an intimate relation-ship that only meditation brings.

And lastly the bonus contributor who lives 2000 miles away.  He shows by example that one can practice and become a part of  our 12&Zen community  by reading this blog, following his 12 Step program and embracing koan practice.

O.M. -- Just wanted to say that I've really been benefiting immensely from the blog.  It really has solidified the fusion between recovery and practice, clarifying that they are one and the same.  It's also been instrumental on a number of other phenomena, most notable selflessness (forgetting the self) and its centrality in the practice as recovery, and in the fostering of an awakened mind.

After sesshin paradigmatic shifts can often be ushered into one's life.  After this particular one, and because of the presence of the 12 Step Koan project, it seems like an unfolding of a new type of understanding of my koan practice has emerged.   Over and over again, 12 Steps/Koans enable me to see the koans in the steps and therefore in my life.  There is something congealing, as it were, and this for me is kinda exciting because the life of the mind and the external physical aspect of life are getting closer to one another.  This most assuredly makes life somehow better. But don't ask me how.

- - -

Bill K.

Step 6: Hush ...

Koan:  Who is hearing?

I can hear myself saying to my kids, "Time to get ready."   Getting ready takes some effort.  Getting ready takes some attention to the details at hand.  The same is true for truly hearing … first we have to be ready to hear, then pay attention to what comes our way.  

Who is hearing?  If we're comfortable with our Higher Power -- trust in our Higher Power -- practicing Step Three with our Higher Power, then we believe we will be heard by our Higher Power.  Believing that we are being heard, then, creates a space for a dialog with God … communication … a conscious contact… and the expectation that God will speak to us in some mysterious way. 

Today is June 1st,  a good time to sit with Step 6.  As with all mysteries, it's important to pay attention to clues along the way.   Some are delivered ever-so-faintly.  Hush… I think I hear something.

Bill K.