Guest Book Review

Zennies in Recovery:  Read Twelve and Zen ...

I have some Zen students who are in the 12-Step Program. I’ve recommended that they read Bill Krumbein’s book Twelve and Zen: Where the 12 Steps Meet Zen Koans, published last week.

Deb Saint told me about Krumbein’s work a few months ago, and I thought it sounded interesting. Krumbein has been in recovery for more than 25 years, and a Zen practitioner for more than 15. He is a student in the Pacific Zen Institute, perhaps the most radical, innovative and dynamic koan school at work today.

This book is a valuable addition to the very small number of contemporary Western books on Zen practice that are actually valuable. Although other books have been written about recovery from addiction from a Buddhist view, as far as I know this is the only one that addresses koan practice in such a way. This is a book that will be helpful to Zen students in recovery and the teachers they practice with - and, even if you don’t have an addiction to alcohol or drugs, it is a wise, pragmatic guide to finding freedom from destructive, self-centered habits through koan practice.

Barry Graham

Author, Journalist, Zen teacher

Passing this onto others ...

Dear Readers:

Available from Amazon's Kindle Store

This posting is a flat out, no nonsense advertisement for my new eBook.

Now you can carry about the 12 Steps and selected koans on your smartphone, iPad, Kindle, and such.

In the Big Book we have an entire chapter entitled Into Action.  This little book is just that ... something to do.

 "Don't leave home without it!"

And please pass this onto others who you think may also be interested in deepening their Twelve Step practice.

Thank you kindly,

Bill

Step 11: Picking and Choosing

Let's see now ... do I choose a blue M&M or a red one?

We sat with Step 11 and Chao Chou this month.  "The Ultimate Path is without difficulty," he said, "Just avoid picking and choosing."

How can we not pick and choose?  We do this all day long.  We have to pick and choose.  Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day.  There is an apple pie and a pumpkin pie in the refrigerator right now.  What will my choice be?  Will I pick the pumpkin or choose the apple?  Or a smidge of apple and a large piece of pumpkin.  My will demands that I pick and choose daily.

 So I choose to set aside some time during the day for prayer and meditation.  The decision to practice communicating with my Higher Power every day seems like a good choice.  I know when I have  conscious contact, I can feel it in my heart;  but it takes practice to maintain contact.  My mind wanders.  I regain consciousness.  It goes away.  It returns.  I practice.

When I do follow [my perception of] God's will, I realize the choices have already been made for me.  It's not thinking of this choice or that choice, instead it's more about following what has been presented to me without any notion of a choice.  There is nothing to pick.

The Ultimate Path is when I do the next right thing.  The Ultimate Path is when I feel this in my heart.  The only way I can get this feeling, though, is by choosing to consciously practice prayer and meditation.

Bill K.

A Barfing Koan

Rarely does my stomach bother me, so I probably wasn't paying enough attention to the vague unease last Monday.  Just a tinge of upset, then it would pass, only to return an hour or so later.  "It's nothing," I thought.

Fast forward to 11:30 PM. I immediately gave full attention to my stomach this time, the rumbling inside and muscle contractions and quickly dashed to the bathroom.  Knowing full well what was about to come next, embracing the toilet, then BARF!

There was a fleeting memory of past such events of long ago only to FULLY engage in the next contraction.  And what I mean by fully engage is letting go, my body was in full command and knows exactly what to do next.  I simply went along for the bumpy ride.  There aren't other choices really -- I could have begun a woe-is-me dialog but didn't.  Uncomfortableness yes, but there was some sense of ease by not resisting or arguing with the universe about what was happening here.  Instead, I went right into it ...I was the barfing...the entire world was barfing.  My response to this koan was BARF.

This continued all night long at 1 1/2 hour intervals.  I became very good at being the barfing.

Steven Grant was teaching last Monday evening (remember, I was still feeling OK then).  Since I usually arrive early to help with the setup, we talk about stuff.  In part of our conversation he asked, "You know what I tell the person who has never sat with koans?  I say take the koan to your pain."

This is exactly what we do when working the Steps!  We bring the Steps to our pain;  we bring our pain to the Steps.  This is all the more reason I believe that koans help my Step work.

Have a fun Halloween,

Bill

Saint Francis Prayer-Koan

It always amazes me when things all come together.  In this particular case I didn’t realize what these “things” were or what was to come together; but they did so at our Sunday Moment of Silence Meeting where we meditate for a spell then talk about the Eleventh Step.

What stuck with me the most was when Sheila, the speaker, said, “We become the prayer.”

I had been taking two men through the Steps, both on Step 11, just two days prior to this meeting.  We read the St. Francis Prayer on page 99 of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions:

Lord, make me a channel of they peace – that where there is hatred, I may bring love – that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness –that where there is discord, I may bring harmony – that where there is error, I may bring truth – that where there is doubt, I may bring faith – that where there is despair, I may bring hope – that where there are shadows, I may bring light – that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.  Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted – to understand, than to be understood – to love, than be loved.  For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.  It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.  It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life. Amen

In my 12 and 12 is a notation, a suggestion, in red pen.  I do not know where or from whom I heard this, but I’m glad I did.  Where it reads “I may bring harmony”, instead of saying “bring”, substitute the word “be”.  May I be harmony.  Instead of “I may bring hope” say “May I be hope”.  Make this change throughout the prayer.

May I be love

May I be the spirit of forgiveness

May I be harmony

May I be truth

May I be faith

May I be hope

May I be light

May I be joy

Remember the koan “Who is hearing?” 

Who is comforting?

Who is understanding?

Who is loving?

This is what Sheila meant when she said, “We become the prayer.”  Which also means, “We become the koan.”  The Saint Francis Prayer is both prayer and koan.

Bill K.

September We Experiment

We didn't meet last Friday evening.  PZi had a three-day event happening.  This gives me the opportunity to experiment.

Instead of first sitting with a Step and then the koan.  Here is a koan, Case 230 from Entangling Vines,  to sit with:

Guishan Lingyou picked up a grain of rice and said, "Millions upon millions of grains of rice issue from this single grain.  Where does this grain issue from?"

I invite you to sit with this koan for the remainder of the month to see what Step(s) come to mind.

Please tell me how this koan worked for you.  What Step(s) came to you?  How did the Step(s) relate to the koan?  Join me in this experiment, I'd like to hear from you.  I sent this same request out to local people who show up for 12 & Zen.

 Next month we will be sitting with Steps 9 and 10 together.

I have another project in the wings -- a 12 & Zen eBook.  By announcing this to you now will give me the inertia to complete the little book in the next few months.  The idea of being able to have 12 & Zen available on a Kindle or other e-Readers seems appealing to me, offering 12 & Zen at your fingertips...whenever you find yourself in need of a Step and koan to ease whatever is happening then.  So stay tuned...

Bill K.

There's no perfect way ...

There's no perfect way to meditate -- there's no wrong way to meditate.

Meditation, whether it's noticing the breath or sitting with a koan, is like shoveling sand.  No matter how hard we try, sand will spill off the shovel.  Maybe only a few grains fall.  Another time it's half the load lost. 

The important point is we keep on shoveling no matter how much sand we spill.  It's only spilled  sand.  And besides, shoveling itself is meditation, koan practice is shoveling sand, simply pay attention...and allow the spilling to begin!

I plan to make an amends to one of the people who attended 12 & Zen last Friday.  We were sitting with a koan and Step Eight.  During the discussion time this one man remarked how the koan brought up experiences around Step Nine.

I probably was a little hasty when I mentioned that "...for tonight's discussion we were placing our focus on Step Eight."

Poor choice on my part.  Unfortunately I didn't think of this at the time.  The evening went well, most everyone joined in and seemed to enjoy the evening.



On the way home I realized that I was trying to control the topic instead of allowing the koan to lead our way.  I wasn't listening to my own words.  Of course this koan applies to Step Nine, and to
everything else in life. 

I was trying not to spill any sand; but I did anyway.  Next month I'll be doing more shoveling.

Bill K.